11.29.09
I AM ONE WITH THOSE WHO SHOUT FOR JUSTICE AND PEACE IN MINDANAO. MY HEART WILL ALWAYS BE FOR AND WITH MY HOMELAND.
That Maguindanao massacre has really gotten into my nerves. I know it's not yet too late to write about this since what had happened was such an inhumane, brutal, barbaric and demonic act of violence. I pray for all the lives who were killed - Christians, Muslims, journalists, and civilians alike. And for the people I personally know who never knew that it would be their last day. Nobody knew that it would happen anyway.
I was dumbfounded when I found out from my mom who called from home that my Ninong, a journalist, who was close to me was one of those who were killed. Along with his colleagues, they went there because they were invited to cover the event. Come to think of it, they're just doing their job, they're trying to make a change. And by then, I did not know how to explain what I felt. I could only cry and pray. My mom told me that my father was also supposed to come with them that day to take part in the media coverage. He wasn't able to go because it was my grandma's bday the day before and he got tired the day after. Apparently, he could have been killed too. I heaved a sigh. In my mind and heart, I was a million times thankful to God that he did not go. Still, my world was momentarily shaken knowing that people whom I have had good times before were brutally killed. Until now, I still cannot believe it.
Vengeance is God's alone - I have believed in that for so long now. But I believe something definitely needs to be done. And the government better be doing something. The people behind this brutal act must be punished. I doubt if those people are really humans, they're unbelievable. It makes me believe in hell.
I know God will make a way.
11.25.09
For the past few weeks, I've been thinking about my whole damn life since I started working - how it has been so routinary, so toxic, so unbelievable, so unexpected, and so much of what's enough. Every little thing is just like that. There's one good thing though: I'm in love. And I hope he knows that. But that's another story. Anyway...
My everyday routine suddenly had a 90-degree turn when I decided to try taking a step forward in my career life. I applied for another position still in the company I'm working for. I noticed the announcement for the internal job openings last night when I checked my emails. I applied as a Communication Specialist for the company with qualifications that fit the same things I was doing back in college. I was still having a dilemma to apply or not since I only have a day to process my application. Good thing it did not give me a hard time, thanks to my supervisor.
Just this morning after shift, I immediately rush home to update my resume. I then realized that I'm not sure how to write a resume anymore! And this is a targeted type of resume. The nerve. I'm not sure if I did it right. I hope I did not create my own style. Haha. Anyhoe, I'm glad I made it for today's deadline before noon. Whew.
I just can't help but congratulate myself at least for the effort, for trying to move forward. Being a telephone banker is so tiring. I know I learned a lot from it - from patience to self-control, discipline and focus. But I just feel the need to grow as a person, to relearn the things I learned back in school, and to do what I really want to do this time.
I may or may not be accepted. But at least I tried. And at least I had once again proven to myself that I am capable of making a difference in my life. I can start from there. And I know everything will just follow. Not bad ayt?
11.12.09
Binasag ko na ang nakabibinging katahimikan tungkol sa isang bagay na matagal kong iningatan. Napansin ko nitong mga nakaraang linggo, lumelevel-up na naman ang lifestyle ko. Habang tumatagal, nagiging mas toxic. Kasing toxic na ng dichlorodiphenyltrichloroethane (DDT/synthetic pesticide).
Kung tatanungin ako, "ewan" lang ang maisasagot ko. Pero alam kong may maisasagot pa akong mas matino pa sa "ewan." Naghahanap lang talaga ako ng tamang palusot sa mga nagawa kong kasalanan at kamunduhan.
Andami kong gustong gawin sa buhay ko pero para bang walang sapat na panahon. Gusto ko sanang subukang gawin ang mga hindi ko pa nagagawa noon. Gusto kong kumain ng apoy at magskydiving! Gusto kong sumakay sa hot-air balloon at sa cable car, yung totoong cable car! Gusto kong magswimming sa balong malalim. Gusto kong mag walk-in sa rooftop ng Crown Regency Hotel! At gusto kong umakyat sa tuktok ng Mt. Everest para sumigaw ng I'M THE QUEEN OF THE WORLD!!!!! Loka-loka diba?
Pero kung yung mga bagay naman na yun ang makakapagpasaya sayo, bakit naman hindi diba? Saan ba nagtatago si Happiness? Kahit overreaction, kahit cheesy-ness, mushy-ness, hyperbolical, metaphorical - sino namang makikialam?
Nga pala, tumigil na ako sa pagyoyosi. Ibig kong sabihin, pansamantala akong tumigil. Ika nga nila, make your words sweet just in case you have to eat them. Sana lang tuluy-tuloy na ito. Kailangan kong bawas-bawasan kahit paano ang toxicity ng lifestyle ko. Andami-dami-dami ko ng iniisip! Masyadong na ngang crowded ang utak ko. Sinusubukan kong magkaroon ng healthy lifestyle. Pwede ba yun? Ang trabaho ko pa lang, hindi na healthy.
Bored ka na nga kasi wala kang magawa sa buhay, lalasunin mo pa ang boring life mo. Naisip ko lang, kailangan ko ng simulan ang contingency plan ko (medyo huli na nga eh), pero never say die raw kaya ayos lang!
Magmula ngayon, aayusin ko na ang buhay ko.
