REAlity Bites

BEST OF 2011

2012-01-06T23:29:00.000-08:00

Finally! I sort of stolen some time to blog about my highlights last year. I guess it's never too late right? And I guess I just can't stop myself from blabbing! So here you go, take a bite, it's alright. =)

Reiko -- I knew God has a reason why he blessed me with such a wonderful baby boy. He knows I can carry on with this big responsibility of raising a child. I'm so blessed to be given this gift and like what I always say, my life is worth living with him around. I'm so excited to let him see how wonderful the world is!

The joy of having my own family -- being a wife and a mother at the same time is I think the hardest job in the world. Really, there's no crash course and no refresher. And even if we're given one, it would still be totally different if you're already in this real scenario. Nevertheless, I feel very open and challenged with this new opportunity. I know that this is a learning process and I'm striving to be better each day.

Reiko's Baptism -- Before we went home to GenSan, my mom said she wanted to give her grandson a welcome party and since that's the case, she suggested that we have Reiko baptized in Gensan and we agreed. At 8 months, Reiko is now a Roman Catholic. I'll do my best so he would grow up living the real Catholic values not just in words but also in deeds.

My most favorite photo (taken during Christmas Day & Reiko's Baptism) -- After a series of issues and misunderstandings - love, care, and forgiveness remained in our hearts. We are one family and I'm so happy that Al took the challenge of facing my family (especially my father) again. I'm much more grateful that my father welcomed him and Reiko with open arms. That alone meant so much to me.

And as much as I don't want to talk about work here, I just have to because my job, no matter how toxic it can get, taught me a lot. I learned to be patient (although I believe I already am even before), to be more open, to defend myself, and to believe that I am capable of doing more. My colleagues formed part of my 2011 because without them, I think I wouldn't have made it to where I am now -- not high up the ladder but at my best. =)

This year is my year and I sure will make the most out of it!

Horoscope 2012, forecast for the 2012 year of the black Dragon

The coming 2012 year of the water Dragon is just about the corner. The Dragon symbol of the 2012 year is an intelligent and laborious worker who never puts aside work though sometimes this leads him to excesses. The water Dragon has enough courage to face challenges and easily finds weak points that stand on his way to success.

HAPPY YEAR OF THE DRAGON EVERYONE!

Happy New Year!

2011-12-31T05:36:00.000-08:00

It's the last day of the year! I have sooo many stories to tell but I just didn't have much time to blog these days so I'll just post the best photo that describes what I really want to express.

The feeling of being with my family -- thank you God for making this happen.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Cheers! =)

What more can I ask for?

2011-12-11T05:43:00.000-08:00

I've been crazy busy for the past few weeks that I really didn't get the chance to blog. So before my life next week gets crazier with my 12-hour shift from Tuesday to Friday, I'll definitely fill you in with the missing details of my life.

What will seem to be the most surprising is Al's sudden decision to stop working in APS in a time when it's almost Christmas and a time when we're juggling our budget here and there. EVEN BEFORE that, there was this one incident that literally knocked me off my feet. His STUPID friend used up my remaining funds in my savings account and used my ATM card as if it's his!! AND until now, he hasn't paid us back yet. What a real ass hole, and yet Al still considers him as his friend. WTF. In an effort to make him pay us back, another unworthy and unfortunate incident happened which probably triggered Al to finally leave work. I don't know if its even a good idea to bring this up again because I considered myself to have moved on. I don't know. I honestly thought that he's sort of having this "quarter life crisis" where (I think) he reached his exaggeration point. He's home without work for 2 weeks. I decided to just give him the break he needs. After all, he's been working for more than 4 years now.

Tomorrow, he will start applying for a new job. What happened may really be a pain in the ass and I'm just lucky I have a strong heart literally and emotionally. It was tough and I didn't know where to grab the strength I need if I still have some left. But God is good. I'm very blessed with a positive attitude with the "I CAN DO THIS!" mantra I have. The hardest part probably was trying hard to smile when in truth, I'm dying inside. But I'd like to believe that it's already over. We've talked about it a lot of times and I knew he was sorry. I believe him and I believe his reasons. We've moved on and we're starting anew. It's just about time to put things into action. It's not gonna be easy. But who said life's easy anyway? Despite everything, here we are, still facing life with a smile. =)

My Reiko never fails to remind me how beautiful life is despite the challenges. Because of him, I know I have a purpose and life's worth living.

To add to that, my family never fails to remind me that I'm never alone.

And my friends who make me feel that hey, I still have a life outside home and work. Haha! :D My bestfriend Beans, my superfriends Gold and Joan last Friday waited for me while I was at work so we could get together after almost 2 years! Happy 23rd birthday to me! =)

Now, what more can I ask for?

Christmas or New Year Wishlist!

2011-11-20T06:39:00.000-08:00

It's not like I could afford one of these items right now okay? But hey, there's a reason a wishlist is called a WISHlist! It's a wish! Haha! It may or may not come true. It may but not now or it may not really be meant for me at all. Whatever it is, here's gonna be my top 5. =)

1) Sony Vaio Laptop. My brand of choice. I've been wanting to get a laptop. Actually, any brand may do as long as it's not too outdated to function if you know what I mean. *Smiles*

2) Iphone 5. Sure it doesn't fly you to the moon, but still!

3) Sony Cybershot Digital Camera TX7. I honestly do not know what it does except for the mere fact that it can take pictures, which brings me to (read number 1 please), any digital camera will do.

4. Gladiator Stilettos. I just thought that it'd be cool to own at least a pair.

5) A Blair Waldorf look. I just love Blair no matter how bitchy she is in Gossip Girl! Of course, I definitely cannot own her. Haha. But I'd like to steal her style just for a day even if I may not necessarily be able to pull it off. Hmmm.

Photo from lowefactor.com

So there you go. If not now, then maybe next time. =)

Disclaimer: All other photos are taken from Google images.

11.11.11

2011-11-12T08:26:00.000-08:00

Yesterday is a historic day - 11.11.11 - because it only comes once in a lifetime. And yesterday is our first wedding anniversary. Firsts are always once in a lifetime but our first did not turn out very well and writing about just what happened is a very long story. I felt tired and almost about to give up. I probably spent the whole day crying and frowning plainly because of something that could have been avoided.

At Mooon Cafe

Anyway, to move on with what happened that day, I appreciated it that he managed to swap his Friday just so we could celebrate together. We just had a simple dinner at Casa Verde then dropped by to drink with some friends at Moon Cafe. We sort of came up with a performance appraisal just to evaluate how we did for our first year. He came up with 4 components - Responsibility, Happiness (given to each), Loyalty, and Communication. And I added one just to comply - Honesty. Every component will be rated as A - Very Good, B - Good, C - Poor. Not one component should affect the other.

I rated myself A-B-A-B-A respectively. He rated himself B-A-A-B-A.

Why?

Responsibility - I'm very confident with this aspect because I know that I've done everything for my family. He, on the other hand, admits that he may have missed on some very important things but he wouldn't say he's not responsible (to which I agree).
Happiness - I know that he's happy because I see it in him and he always tells me that he's really happy with me. Still, I rated myself B because after all, life is not just all happiness. He said that he's confident with the happiness that he gave me because he feels that in the midst of every hardship, he still manages to make me smile.
Loyalty - Of course I'm also confident with this. He even said that in fact, this should not be part of the components anymore because it's already given that we're both loyal to each other. He also prides himself of being a one-woman man and someone who will never cheat on me, ever.
Communication - Yes, I make effort to communicate but there are just times that I prefer not to talk simply because I don't want to or it's just that talking doesn't make sense at some point.
Honesty - I never lie about anything. He said that he is completely honest but there are just some things that he chooses not to tell me because it's just gonna make me worry and think too much. Right, likewise.

Overall, I'd say that our first year may be a tough ride, we may have our fair share of ups and downs, and we've been through a lot but nothing beats the fact that we're still together and we will be together till death do us part.

When I came here in Cebu, all I did was spend, enjoy, and party. But I honestly felt that there's something missing. I was unconsciously looking for someone to share my happiness with and even though I'm still young, I guess I'm just really one of those who are not afraid of commitment and who choose to live life with someone significant.

I may have hurt him before or did things that upset him. He may have hurt me and I may have cried a hundred times for the same reason - that's life. Marriage is not like high school or college boyfriend-girlfriend relationship that once you're tired, you'll just give up and break up. When I married him, I vowed to be with him whatever it takes. When I chose him to be my husband, I chose him because I love him and he's the man I want to spend my forever with. Last Thursday, Friday, and today are just some of the days when I spent hours crying over the same reason. I've had enough and there'll surely be more to come. I guess I'm right when I told myself that it takes a Rea to completely understand Al.

Here's to the best years ahead! One year down, a lifetime to go! =)

7 months!

2011-11-09T08:01:00.000-08:00

Reiko turned seven months yesterday. Hay. How time flies. If you've just seen my reaction when I first noticed his tiny teeth showing when he smiled. I was teary-eyed. He's a big boy now =). And he can now sit and stand with less support. I'm so excited to hear him say "Mama.."

I love you baby! =)

What kind of traveler are you?

2011-11-06T06:43:00.000-08:00

During one of those lazy days at work, I took this online quiz about travel. I've always wanted to travel around the country and around the world. But with how things turned out in my life, travel became last (or second to the last) on my list of priorities. And though I wanna try to travel alone, I've always loved Al to be my travel buddy but I guess I'll have a problem because he's not really a fan of flying high up in the sky. The first time he rode an airplane was when he went to my house last year and he swore he would never ride an airplane again. I have yet to convince him to conquer his fear =).

The farthest I had been so far, with my hometown as my reference point, is Baguio City. But that was like 11 years ago. We went to Mines View Park, PMA, Botanical Garden, and Lourdes Grotto. I already forgot how the places are like and I'm sure there have been a looott of changes. I've been there because I had to attend the National Press Conference in Dagupan City and we decided to have a quick side trip. Yes, my writing prowess has brought me to places. I was with my coach and my friends who were also contestants. Unfortunately, that time was not the time when digital cameras were sold just like pancakes so I never really had a single memorable photo.

In college, my Photography class had a field trip in Camiguin. Luckily, digital cameras are already uso so I got to take a looott of photos. I haven't been to a lot of places to compare them with each other but I can really say that Camiguin is breathtakingly amazing especially in White Island. I dream to go back there with my family and close friends.

White Island, Camiguin

We also had a side trip in CDO where we decided to eat in Jollibee, Limketkai. Very smart choice huh? Hahaha.

Robinsons, CDO

Next to the list is of course Cebu where I am working and living now with my husband and 7 month-old son.

Kawasan Falls

If Reiko gets older, I may have time to travel again. Yay! So far, my dream destinations in the country are Boracay, Palawan, Tagaytay, and yes, I'd like to explore Cebu at its finest.

XoXo

What made me smile today... =)

2011-10-24T07:17:00.000-07:00

I checked my Facebook page when I arrived home tonight and found this message on my wall --

And here's the video:

Sometimes, things may be tough. Even a simple thing like this brings smile to my heart. I'm the happiest wife in the world. =)

What is wrong with me?

2011-10-22T08:39:00.000-07:00

Today, he told me for the nth time that he will do anything to make me happy. So I asked him, "Then why aren't you coming home with me for Christmas?"

Maybe I'm just selfish, or immature. Maybe I just don't understand. Which I realized is true, I really don't understand. What is wrong with wishing and wanting to spend your Christmas with your own family?

With the line of work that I am in, I can never afford to be absent for a long period of time so I was more than ecstatic when my boss approved my Christmas leave for 4 days on Dec.22-26. GenSan here I come! This is still the second time I'm going home after more than two years of being here in Cebu. This is also the first time I'm spending Christmas at home after 2 years. Plus this is gonna be my first Christmas with my own family so I'm super excited.

The first time we talked about it, he agreed even though he was hesitant. Few days after, he said that he can't leave home because if he did, that'll leave his Daddy (not his father but the person who took care of him the moment he was born), his mother (whom he never really cares about), and his stepbrother - only the three of them on Christmas Day and he said that it'll be all too sad for them. Right, he is the bread winner of his family. And who do I blame with my fate? I married a man who's too attached with his family that he's afraid to leave them. I knew that. And I whole-heartedly accepted that when I married him. But it hurts. It's as if he made a choice between his family and us - I and our son. He chose to stay here and chose not to be with us even if it's just for FOUR days. Somehow it seemed unfair. The only reason that I'm still staying here is him. I chose not to stay home because he's here and I respected the fact that he can't just leave home to be with me. My family understood my need to be away from home because I already have my own family. I honestly wanted to live in my own house where I can do whatever I want and not hear people raise their voices at each other early in the morning. IT'S EXHAUSTING.

I love him. I never pushed the idea of living on our own because I know that he feels he's obliged to be with his family. Now all I ask is four days so I can also celebrate my Christmas with my mom, dad, sister, and brother plus with him and Reiko. And sadly, he already made his choice and I don't think I'm ever gonna overcome it.

But if he feels and trusts that I can be on my own, then be it. If he's happy, then I might as well just be happy too.

Every Picture Has A Story

2011-10-10T07:42:00.000-07:00

They say that a picture says a thousand words. When Bianca G emailed me to ask for a photo of me and Al for her blog entry, I immediately panicked and went through all of our pictures together. Bianca said that a Facebook or a phone cam photo will do. I couldn't decide then of what photo to submit because I didn't think we really had a decent one and one that's sort of nice and will really put justice to Bianca's blog. Hehe. So there I searched for our best photo and it took me long before I decided to submit a collage of some our photos. And here it is.

Suddenly, I realized that we actually have a lot of photos together. So then I decided to handpick some photos that I really love, not because of how it was taken or how we looked on that photo, but because of the story behind each of them. And to really say that each picture has a story, these images are therefore unedited.

At Villa Teresita Resort, December 2009

After our top secret relationship, I'd say this is probably the first photo we had together. We never really broadcasted our relationship and we're even unsure of how to call our relationship. I guess after some time of going out together, it just came out naturally.

At Mango Square, May 2010

I forgot the name of the bar. Haha. This was taken the day before the election so there was a liquor ban and the bar is until I think 11pm only. Just our luck! We ordered a loooottt when they called out their last order and drank like there's no tomorrow. We even brought some of the drinks to SRP where we continued our drinking session. The ending? I felt like I was the only one who drank like there's no tomorrow because I got really really drunk that I messed up on our way home. Haha. But that was sooo much fun!

At Gimik's KTV Bar, June 2011

This was the first time we went out after I gave birth. He insisted that we go to a Karaoke Bar just like what we did before. He knew that I wanted to go out and have fun so he insisted that we go. We had Mojitos for drinks and well, just that. Haha!

At home, date unknown

I just love moments like this when we wake up beside each other in the morning knowing that we're still together, happy and in love. Such a magical feeling! =)

These photos are just a few from my box of memories. Obviously there are a lot that are truly memorable. I'll find time soon to post them though. That's it for now.

XoXo.

Happy 6 Months!

2011-10-08T05:20:00.000-07:00

Today, Reiko turns 6 months!

I love you baby! :)

Happy Birthday!

2011-10-07T08:19:00.000-07:00

One of the most important men in my life. The man who's responsible of what I have become - a strong and a smart woman. The man who made me learn the hard way. The man who understood me all the way. We may have misunderstandings, fights, and conflicts of interest but at the end of the day, nothing will change the fact that this man is my father. I am thankful to God for giving my father a wonderful life, for giving him strength to carry on through life's struggles, and for giving me the best father in the world. And even if I am to live another life, I would never ask for another father but him.

HAPPY 49TH BIRTHDAY PAPA. I LOVE YOU! =)

Super Saver!

2011-10-04T06:57:00.000-07:00

I'm so happy that I get to blog more often these days. I'd say I've pretty much adjusted well enough and managed my time wisely. I just want to prove to myself that I can be a supermom, I can be overworked, but still get the chance to do something I love doing. :)

Anyway, I've been meaning to seriously consider saving money for the future, not just for me but also for my son, and our family. My savings account suddenly dried up during the first few months after giving birth since we really had to buy a lot of things for Reiko.

I landed into Bianca G's blog earlier and found this interesting post she has way back 2008. She mentioned in her post that she learned five tips to stay financially stable. This was when she watched Suze Orman who was the guest in Oprah that time.

Photo taken here

To be worry-free financially...

1. Make sure you have a safe savings account. I have yet to reopen my savings account.

2. Pay off your credit card debt. I don't have a credit card but I'm thinking of getting one but I don't think that'll help for now.

3. Have health and life insurance. This, I have to decide on.

4. Invest in a retirement plan. I hope I can live up to this, but yes, I'll research it first.

5. Stop spending more than you can afford. Definitely doable!

True enough, they're basic and they make sense. This is exactly what I need. Starting next payday, I'm going to commit myself in saving 20% of my pay and deposit it in my bank account.

So there you go, at least I have a contingency plan in writing. Hope this works! Yay! :)

Lead Trainer - Trainee!

2011-10-04T06:28:00.000-07:00

At long last and after 11 months of waiting (almost a year!), I already received my offer letter for the Lead Trainer - Trainee position. Honestly, it did not excite me anymore although I'm of course glad that it came to reality. I really do not want to blog about work, because if I do, I wouldn't know where to start. There were good times and there were bad times. God knows what I had to give up just to at least achieve something in my life. Even before, I brand myself as an achiever. And I am rightfully so. There was just this time in my life that I felt I did not have a room to grow anymore in the company I'm working for. But then again, I can only get better each day so I'm still thankful I decided to stay. :) I have to learn how to love my job even more, no matter how toxic and complicated things can get.

I will continue to fight, play, and win this game.

I Won!

2011-09-30T10:10:00.000-07:00

Remember this post?

I just can't believe it when my bestfriend Beans texted me at 9PM that I won Bianca Gonzalez's super blog giveaway. I really didn't expect it because there were like a thousand entries. Immediately after I arrived from work, I checked Bianca's blog and it's really true. It seemed surreal. :) I was so thrilled and excited at the same time. I never thought that my story can be inspiring.

Read Bianca's blogpost here.

My Happy Food

2011-09-17T07:05:00.000-07:00

KFC Fries and Rocky Road Krushers

A doughnut a day!

2011-09-11T20:29:00.000-07:00

Everytime my friend goes to Manila, I usually ask him to bring me a box of 1 dozen assorted Krispy Kreme doughnuts. This makes me go gaga all over because its sooo yummy and very stuffed and filled with amazingly delicious heaven! Yay! A dozen costs Php385.00 but very worth it.

Yum!

My Sunshine!

2011-09-11T09:15:00.000-07:00

Reiko @ 5 months =)

I Super Like Super Bianca!

2011-09-03T12:10:00.000-07:00

I've been up from 11pm until now that it's already 3am. My bloghopping never fails to land on Bianca Gonzalez's personal blog to check if there's something new. Been following her blog since college and it really inspires me everytime I get to read her posts. I even quoted some lines from her posts here in my blog.

Her recent blogpost features her blog giveaway because her blog, iamsuperbianca, is already 8 years old this September. It's truly heartwarming how much of a giver she is. I shared my worthwhile experience of reading her blog in the hopes of winning the items for my loved ones. But hey, win or not, it doesn't matter. Her blog is worth reading anyway! =) I so envy her for being the strong and admirable woman that she is - being able to work hard and still have fun at the same time plus doing such great efforts to help other people. I hope I can be like her too!

Photo from Google Images

Btw, here's my take on her blog giveaway:

Favorite blogpost:

It's truly hard to choose from the posts that I've started reading since I was in college until now that I'm already a wife and a mom. But my real favorite was your post dated May 13, 2008 - title was "The Perfect Day. It was the coolest wedding ever."

It was so nice seeing you and your family and friends all present during your brother's wedding day. I was already 5 months pregnant before I got married. Every girl in the world must have a dream wedding of her own and mine was just like the story you've shared in my favorite blogpost - wedding at the beach, family and friends celebrating the miracle of love, something that's worth remembering. But because I got pregnant before I even got married, my parents decided that my husband and I resort to civil wedding instead. There was so much pressure and stress that time because we didn't really want to rush things out. Although we really want to get married, we want it to be something really special. And because I hate seeing my parents disappointed, we just then agreed to have the civil wedding for legal purposes. The day before that, I knew that none of my family members were coming so I just cried the night out knowing that I'll get married without my loved ones to witness it. The ending? We got married at Branch 14,Hall of Justice Cebu. It's not a scheduled special wedding with the judge because my parents wanted us to get married before November ends so during the wedding, we have people inside the room that we really did not know at all. It's a relief that my mom all of a sudden flew from Gensan to make it. She's the only one from my family who came. My father, my sister, and brother, even my friends were not there. Some of my friends didn't even know that I'd get married that day. That day, there was no celebration - no cake, no candles, no wine, no flowers, no bridal gown and car, nothing! I and my husband only have our love to keep us going. Reading your post gave me a smile in my face and in my heart. It gave me hope that one day, my husband and I will renew our wedding vows in front of our family and dearest friends, and that our dream wedding will still come true. I know that no time is too late to get married again as long as both of you love each other.

Because of this, I'd like to win the following items for the following special people in my life:

1. Chuck Taylor's shoes/ Nike shoes for my beloved husband. He's working so hard to keep our family grounded and to keep our relationship growing. I want something that will make him say "Hey, this is a gift from my wife!" =)

2. Loreal products for my wonderful mom who has been there for me through good times and bad times.

THE CUTEST OF ALL

2011-08-27T07:36:00.002-07:00

Reiko @ 4 months and counting..

Two Years Ago...

2011-06-26T02:29:00.000-07:00

We were both young when I first saw you..

Hehehe!

Happy 2 Months

2011-06-07T20:01:00.001-07:00

My Baby Love =)

Tired

2011-06-07T07:40:00.000-07:00

I am so drained right now. I'm broke and I have a lot of bills to pay. But what worries me much is I'll be back to work tomorrow and we haven't found anyone yet to take care of Reiko while we're away. If I can only quit my job and take care of him myself, I'll do. This whole damn thing is now driving me nuts.

Yesterday, my husband and his half brother got into a fight with each other which I believe was triggered by this computer I'm using right now. I felt a sudden gush of fear when they practically almost hit each other. And I wasn't able to stop it. I just felt that it's not my job to do so, at the back of my head though, I could have done something to stop them. But hey, honestly, I could have just added insult to the injury if I did. So I was just silent the whole time while Reiko cried -- he got scared probably.

Ever since I moved to this house, I saw a lot of pinches and punches -- things that sometimes forced me to just understand. It hasn't been a year yet. Being here takes a lot of getting used to. My life before I got married was so different from now obviously. I used to be a life-of-a-party animal. I can spend for whatever I want because I know I'll have enough for myself. And I lived alone -- with no one to tell me what I needed to do. Living here makes me almost uncomfortable, if not totally. I can't blame anyone here because they live here and I think I don't have the right to interfere. I don't have the right to destroy the natural order of things in this house. Among all things, I feel like I'm not getting the privacy I deserve. And I hate it because I'm a very private person. People just come and go inside our room (which I think is something that they are used to doing) without knocking even if the door is closed. It sucks because even if I'm changing my clothes, somebody just budges inside which just surprises me big time. I mean seriously? Do I really need to lock the door for them to knock before they get in? It's ridiculous I tell you. No offense meant here. Back home, my mom tells us not to let anyone in our bedroom unless its very important because the bedroom is a private place, it's where you can be at peace with yourself. A bedroom is not a guest room or a living room where you receive guests. And I totally agree with her.

Just don't get me wrong, I don't have any problems with how people here treat me, they are all good to me though I don't really talk that much. Maybe I'm just not used to living with people I'm not really close to.

I appreciate it much that my husband makes me feel that this is already my home and that I am welcome here. I know that. But there are just some things that we can't avoid -- fights, misunderstanding, conflict of interest, or just plain boredom. And I honestly think that the more I stay here, the more I'll even get more uncomfortable. What is wrong with me? Don't humans have the ability to adapt to their new environment? *Sigh

I wish that someday we'll get to have our own house that we can call our home.

Super Love This

2011-06-06T08:54:00.000-07:00

Thanks for loving me, for being so patient and understanding,

for being so sweet and for being there--

even if I'm not the most ideal girl in the world.

I LOVE YOU sooo much.

I'm happy when I'm with you.

I'm happy because I have you.

I'm happy of the person I have become because of you.

Instant Mommy

2011-06-06T05:42:00.000-07:00

Reiko is turning 2 months this Wednesday, June 8. Look how fast time can be. I never had the luxury of time to blog or write about everything that's been happening to me since Reiko came. A day after the effectivity of my leave, I already gave birth - April 08, Friday at 11:18pm. It was earlier than expected and came out quite surprising to me. It was good enough that it happened earlier though because I really just wanna get over it quick. But of course, it was never easy. Labor pain is by far the most excruciating physical pain I've ever experienced in my existence. And I'm not exaggerating. I was in labor for freakin' 24 hours I wanna cry my heart out! Well, the bottomline is I am sooo proud of myself for having survived that pain through normal delivery. It takes a lot of courage and strength to go through it.

It was so amazing -- seeing my wonderful baby boy for the first time, hearing him cry for the first time, and being a mom for the first time. The miracle of life is surreal. Somehow, the thought of my baby experiencing the world for the first time is very heartwarming. During the first few seconds of his life, I still can't imagine that he was really there for real. But yes, there he was.

One day old Reiko

Reiko @ 1 month

The task of taking care of my baby is far harder than I ever imagined. He sleeps a lot but he cries a lot too. The first few weeks, he was up every after 3-4 hours of sleep. To add to that, breastfeeding is a pain in the butt really. I stopped after a month because he's not getting enough from me even after hours of feeding. Now, I'm already bottlefeeding which is also a pain in our pocket. There were a lot of times that I almost gave up. But then there's no way to go. I just have to make the best of what I'm doing.

Finally getting him to sleep after a whole day.

It doesn't help much that I am having this postpartum syndrome commonly referred to as Baby Blues (yes, I've read about that). I am quite paranoid. I don't wanna be far from my baby. Leaving him for a while is such a heartbreak for me. *Sigh. And on Wednesday, I'm going back to work without someone who can take care of him full time. *Cries*

I still have a long looong way to go. It's true that when you get to be a mom, even if you don't know anything, you'll be an instant mommy. This is one situation in my life that forced me to grow up -- in a nice sort of way. I am so soo happy and grateful that I have this super cute little angel with me now :)

Baby Boomer

2010-12-19T15:48:00.000-08:00

"Having a baby is like getting a tattoo on your face. You have to be fully committed." - Ouch. Got that line from Eat.Pray.Love. starring Julia Roberts. I'm not really a movie person which makes me very choosy with the movies I watch. This movie is just so perfect for me. If only I have the time and money to tour the world and rediscover myself, it'd would be really really perfect.

A year ago, I came here in Cebu hoping to find myself, learn to be more independent, earn my own money, and enjoy my life in any way I want to. After all, every girl needs to have a youth she's satisfied to leave behind. I did earn my own money - a lot of money. I did enjoy my life the way I wanted to. I think I learned to be independent, yes. But I'm not quite sure If I found myself. Apparently, my life took a detour. One year is such a short time to enjoy. I mean, I was 20 when I came here. I haven't even gone home yet and at age 21, I already got pregnant. Certainly, that is not how I wanted my life to be. I am young and carefree, I can do whatever I want, and I don't give a damn. Probably that's why I ended up being pregnant at such a young age. I swear you need not ask what I've been through before I finally accepted that this is what I'm gonna be forever (as early as 4 months from now) - a young mom.

I never knew how it feels like to be a mom. Although I don't despise babies, I never had the patience of taking care of a baby. I remembered when my aunt asked me to watch over my younger sister back when she was still a baby. My aunt just needed to cook our meal so she asked me to be with my sister for a while. I was so impatient so I left my sister on the table. She fell. And cried. And I cried too because I didn't know what to do.

When I found out I was pregnant (which was just two weeks after I realized I did not have my period yet), I did not freak out. I did not even cry at that point. Somehow, I've been expecting it -- only that it happened earlier than I expected it. My first main problem was how to tell my parents that their 20-year old daughter whom they sent away from home to work got pregnant in just a year. I know it is totally hard to narrate everything in this blog because the story was too complicated.

That left me bothered, worried, upset, stressed, uncertain, and probably ugly. That was the hardest so far because I didn't know what to do. Outside I'm smiling but inside I'm dying. Plus I have all this pressure from work, from the people around me, from I don't know!

Aside from that, I'm fully aware that my life will never be the same again. I will never be the same happy-go-lucky girl anymore because I will have responsibilities - to my soon to be family. I will be working forever. My parents will never be proud of their achiever daughter anymore. And a lot more!

I cried for more days before I left that feeling. I didn't want to talk to anybody back then. I didn't want to share anything. --- I only have Al to talk to, who did a great job in making me feel that I am not alone and that he will share every pain with me. Which he really did. And I'm grateful for that -- although there may be times now that we don't get along well with each other. But we try our best to fix the misunderstandings. God, we can't afford to be like that all the time. We've only been married for a month! I know we love each other. And our baby is definitely not unwanted. We dreamt of having a baby in the future. But it seems like the baby wants to be here sooner than we expected :)

Now, things are getting a lot better. I won't deny that there are punches and pinches from time to time. There are still times that I wish things never happened. You know, impulses. I just continue to believe that everything will be alright in due time.

At least I'm happier now. Happier than before. I've learned to accept the fact that this is what my life will be. And I'll just have to make the most out of it. Four months from now, I'll be seeing my little angel! :) And I know I'll be happiest.

CHANGES

2010-12-17T02:50:00.000-08:00

I honestly do not know how to start this entry. It's just that I feel like blogging again after such a long time. My last entry was super outdated! Not to mention uninformative (if there is such a word). It was the time when I turned a year old here in Cebu. Counting the days, it has been SEVEN months since I last blogged. Whoa! Seven -- my magical number. A lot, and I mean a lot of things happened during those months -- things that I didn't want to talk about back then. With the way things were going during the past months, I swear this blog could have been full of rants and rage. Had I have the luxury of time to blog, I could have filled the cyberspace with angst. But things changed; my life had changed big time. And as a come back blog entry, I'd like to start by sharing the highlight of the past few months...

Last November 11, 2010 --- I was officially married, civilly and legally.

To the man I love most :)

HAPPY 1ST YR CEBU!

2010-05-21T18:58:00.000-07:00

05.22.2010

Aloha! I'm blogging again! Well at least today. Because today, TODAY is my first anniversary here in Cebu! One year working and one year without going home :( I'm so missing my home, my family, my friends, everything, and everyone. *Sigh* I have a lot of things to say but I can't put them into words right now. Oh alright, I'll try harder next time! :) I'll be running out of space. So many things happened in one year. So many things changed. Things that either made me or broke me. There were bad times but mostly there were good times. I've learned a lot. I've learned to know myself better. I've enjoyed the freedom I was endowed. And I'm glad to say I'm happy that I'm here.

HAPPY

2010-04-10T20:39:00.000-07:00

04.11.10

I really don't feel like blogging these days, and I don't know why. My bad! :) For now, there's just one thing I wanna say..

I'M HAPPY :)

?&$#$^@!

2010-03-11T23:23:00.000-08:00

03.12.10

Loading...

I have a lot of things in mind and though they all crowd in there, I seem to still not know what to write this time. Seriously though, I'm quite preoccupied and just a bit jaded. Or maybe I'm just tired. Or bored cause I often catch myself staring somewhere out there in the middle of nowhere. And it sucks.

How Can I Not Love You

2010-02-23T22:04:00.000-08:00

02.24.2010

photo here

When...

If I wake up in the morning or any time of the day,
you kiss me on the forehead and tell me its time to eat.
And when I say I'm too tired (lazy) to get up,
before I know it, you already laid my breakfast in bed.

If you asked me to cook for you,
you hesitate if I know how to.
But still let me do it,
because you think I need to learn too.

If you think I'm too pre-occupied,
you remind me not to forget keeping in touch
with my family everyday.
And then I'll suddenly realize, you're right.

In a group drinking session, someone sings "Superstar,"
and though I know you can hardly carry a tune,
you still sing along while looking at me
saying the line "I love you. I really do.."

If I ask you to go find someone else
who can satisfy your need,
you tell me "I don't want to,
because my heart belongs to you."

Now tell me how can I not love you...

Mahal Kita Kasi...

2010-02-17T18:03:00.000-08:00

02.17.10

My favorite line:

Drugs ka ba kasi..
Kakaadik ka kasi kasi
naman kasi..

NEED I SAY MORE?

Nag-isip, Nag-Iisip, Mag-Iisip

2010-02-15T23:45:00.000-08:00

02.16.10

Naisip ko lang.. mahaba pala ang araw, hindi katulad ng gabi. Sa gabi kasi, pwede ka lang matulog tapos pagdilat ng mga mata mo, umaga na. Naisip ko yun nang namahinga ako sa pagtatrabaho, isang linggo rin yun. Sa pinakaunang pagkakataon sa aking buhay, panandalian akong namahinga dahil isinugod ako sa hospital noong Lunes. Ang lupit naman ng pagbati sa akin ng bagong taon. Wala akong ginawa buong linggo kundi matulog, higa, manood ng tv at uminom ng gamot. Nakakabagot.

(at dahil gusto ni Beans may picture, ayan. haha!)
Photo from here

At kagabi, balik na naman ako sa trabaho. At bigla na namang bumilis ang mundo ko dahil gising na naman ako buong gabi. Hindi naman nakakabagot, nakakapagod lang. Ewan ko, sabi nila, kung napapagod ka na, sino bang hindi? Hanggang ngayon, pinag-iisipan ko pa rin kung anong gagawin ko sa buhay ko. Kailangan ko ata ng bakasyon.

Sige lang, dahan-dahan lang.

Unwind

2010-02-03T18:17:00.000-08:00

02.04.10

Life is like a plate of hotdogs. Once you pop, you can't stop! :p

Right Now

2010-01-15T17:40:00.000-08:00

01.16.10

Just when I was thinking so hard on what I need to achieve this year, I suddenly realized that I just want to go home. I miss my home and I miss everyone back home. =(

I've been working for 8 months. And although I'm happy I've had this job, I'm partly sad because I feel like it pushes me away from my original plan after college, which is to take up Law or to pursue a masters degree. I know that there will come a point that I'll get tired working and then I'll just need to have that motivation to finally pursue my plans.

But hey! This is the start of the year, and I should be happy with I have, where I am, and what I'm doing. Well, I need not force myself to be happy. But I know that at this point, I am. Even with all the pressure at work, even with all the days of darkness, even when I cannot go home yet, and even when I do not know when I can go home.

Hay. I'll just have to make the most of what I have now.

Anyway, I'm happy I finally had the time to open a savings account. From now on, I will be depositing funds every month to my savings. I'd better have something to look forward to just in case, you know! =)

Here & Now

2010-01-12T23:21:00.000-08:00

01.13.10

Last year, I..

* graduated from college (on time! and that's how I wanted it to be so that's an achievement)
* made a life-changing decision, and that is to work away from home
* spent more than half of my year here in Cebu (without going home)
* went ziplining (wala pa ka kashagit, naa na ka sa other end of the line. it's that super short so I'll have to do it again this year)
* had a different haircut from what I've had since forever
* had ear piercings for the first time in my life and decided not to wear earrings anymore after 2 months
* had more than enough money for myself
* never thought I'd spend too much (well, at least I spent the money I had)
* spent Christmas and New Year away from home for the very first time
* spent 8 months awake at night until morning (come to think of it)
* spent 8 months without watching tv, swear to God
* felt seriously in love (whatever you mean by that)

If you go over the list I have above, nothing really sounds like an achievement but I think every single thing I listed is a memoir of how I spent my 2009. Those things mean a lot to me because they remind me of who I am and what I have become. I'm proud of myself - for overcoming the days of darkness, for taking a lot of risks, and for doing my best to decide for myself and be more independent. Kudos!

This year.. well, I'll have to think hard about the things I really wanna do. I want to have more focus and more commitment so I'll be more prepared. I'll come up with a list this week, swear to myself.

Here's to the first post of the year! Yahoooo! 0.0

Welcome 2010!

2009-12-30T19:42:00.000-08:00

12.31.09

I have been meaning to blog about the TOP 10 People who influenced me most this year since the start of June. Today, being the last day of the year, is I guess the best day to write about this. Inspired by Times Magazine, I had been carefully thinking about who will complete my list.

This year is one time of my life when I most realize my worth (so far), I believe I have accomplished a lot as a person. I started doing a lot of things I never did before; things that could get me into trouble but didn't care about them anyway because I was happy doing them, things which either made me or broke me. That, being the stubborn kid that I really am.

In no particular order, I know that these people I'll mention have, in one way or another, brought an impact in my life this year.

Momma--

I know it's given but I'll never get tired of telling myself and the whole world that without her, I'll never be myself. I owe her a lot. I admire her for being a strong and wise woman, for being the best mom, and the best everything.

Papa--

It has been tough growing up with him, especially that I'm the kind of person who'll do whatever it takes to get what she wants. And I believe I still earned his trust despite being his stubborn daughter. I know that my ability to put myself together has amazed him. He made me learn the hardest way before giving me the freedom I deserve.

Yong--

I'm missing him (the one in black. hehe. I just love the dog) so much. I was amused by how he has greatly changed since he studied away from home to go to a maritime academy. He's younger yet I felt like he has grown more mature and more disciplined than I am. That makes me think that age doesn't really have anything to do with maturity. And I envy him for having accomplished a lot to make himself a better person. One year to go before his graduation. Way to go, bro!

Beans--

In laughter and in pain, in sickness and in health, in abundance and in scarcity, in success and in failure, in Luzon, Visayas & Mindanao (haha!) even though we're oceans apart now-- he has been the best person and the best friend I was with this year and I know he will still be for the years to come.

Barkadahang Tunay aka BT (Steh, Krish, Jo, Coh, Anj, Gold, Elts)--

I'd be glad to have more than 10 people in my list if I'd have to include each one of them. These guys are really one bunch of talented and amazing people. College is just really a tough time to learn but they made it easier and happier for me by just being there. I'll never forget everything we did way back in college and if I have my way, I'd certainly love to spend fun times with them just like the old times.

Goddesses (Gwyn, Chaps, Rang, Raks, Let, Weng, Wed)--

It's just amazing how high school friends can still be really friends after how many years. These people will always be my forever friends. Though we rarely see each other, I still say they've been part of the wonderful year that I have because I learned a lot from them.

Ma'am Jen--

I honestly think that I learned so so much from her that I know I'll never forget her. The things I learned from her were those that do not only speak of the classroom lessons but those that would help me live my life better. From Intercultural Comm, Organizational Comm, Comm Planning, and Crisis Comm -- she's that one professor I would never want to disappoint way back so I always make sure I do good. She had stopped teaching now and for such a total brain, I feel so sad for those students who'd never get to have her as a professor. I am wishing her all the best for the years to come.

Ma'am Jho--

And since I'm talking so academic here, she's another professor who really did a great job in making me realize my worth as a woman. Being the feminist that she is, I was really inspired more to prove what I can do as a woman. I only had her as a professor once, that's like what? 6 months. But truly admire her for being who she is and who she had been because of what she had gone through in life.

Cebu friends (Glo, Bub, Aj, Mike, Raze, Densio, Ruch, Bong, Prince, Arny)--

I'm not sure how I'd be able to live my life here in Cebu without them. For seven months now, my life could have been miserable without friends to talk to when I came, but they made me feel that I'm still home. And its a lot more special because I'm spending the new year with them.

Al--

I honestly think that he's like my father. And I think every girl who has a good family background would want to have someone who's like her father in some ways. I feel like I've known him even before I met him and I'm saying I love him because I really do. He's this man with a great sense of responsibility, which I admire most. I'm not sure how long our relationship will last but if in any case it will end, I know I have loved him the way he is.

It's not just the length of time that I have spent with each one of them, nor the distance that set some of us apart, it's the connection that I have with them that makes them really special to me and with that, I know I've had a lot to reminisce this year and to look forward to with them for the years to come.

My December Photos

2009-12-24T19:04:00.000-08:00

12.25.09

Photos that make me smile. Lol!
Shooot! :D

My 21st beerday.

Because this was a forced trial. Haha.
Namugos si Beans, pero ang smile dili man pinugos diba? Haha

With Glory, reminds me of how alcoholic I am
but makes me smile cos she's even more alcoholic! Haha

I love him. I just do, ok? (Haha!)

It's not really a very glamorous look because I'm not glamorous on the first place.
Makes me smile cos I spent too much for this. Had regrets for a while but then again, it's not all the time that I get to buy something for myself plus I don't get to dress up that often.
Ang ending, carry ang outfit! Haha

Minsan lang kami magmukhang ganyan.
By the way, AJ is the one in the middle, he's my wardrobe designer. Haha

At Patio Escila, Ayala. My super friends LIVE in Cebu for my bday!

At SM with Coh & Goldie. I just love Christmas trees. Hehe

And last but not the least, I love the Christmas tree and the lights.
Haha yun lang?

So many photos, too little space! Lol.
Welcome 2010!

I'll be posting photos that remind me of 2009 soooonnn!

Christmas!

2009-12-24T17:54:00.000-08:00

12.25.09

While everybody else at home were busy exchanging gifts, there I was last night, taking calls. It was Christmas Eve and for the first time in my entire life, I'm not home for Christmas. Well maybe I just miss my home so badly and Christmas is such a trigger event. Hay. Then again, I just let the tears fell from my eyes last night, realizing that I'm alone. Well not really alone. There's nah and blah and bluh and yeah and well, there are a lot of them here. I just miss home. That's it.

Stolen here.

This will all pass in a glance. Tomorrow will be another day. Before I know it, it's WELCOME 2010!!!

Happy BEERDAY to me!

2009-12-10T17:01:00.000-08:00

12.11.09

Last December 7, I turned 21! Yey!
And for the 5th time, I didn't celebrate my birthday at home.
Kasi kailangan kong magbanat ng buto.

Pero kahit ganun..

Sina Goldie, Beans, at Coh ay lumipad papunta dito para magcelebrate.
How sweet :)

Nag Starbucks kami..

at kumain sa Casa Verde.

Nagkantahan sa Gimik..

At nagblow ng candle. Mabuhay ang tradisyon!

Syempre nagdasal kay Papa God.

At nag side trip sa Taoist Temple.

Pictures can say a thousand words.

Masaya! Sobra!

Thank you thank you thank you.

You know who you are guys! :D

My December

2009-12-01T17:14:00.000-08:00

12.02.09

A lot of things to say. December is in and this is my time of the year. Hurraaahhh!

First, IT'S MY BIRTH MONTH! 5 days to go and I am officially 21! Next, my super friends are comin over to visit me on Saturday and will be staying until my birthday! It's partey time!! Then, I'll be crafting my 2009 PEOPLE OF THE YEAR, my much-awaited blog entry (hehe!). Last but not the least, it sucks to have a new team, I'm really not prepared yet to detach from my previous team. I just found our team really cool. And not being judgmental, I'm not sure how to deal with my new team but I'll a find a way to do that for sure. Ako pa. Ms. Congeniality!

Most importantly, I can't go home to spend Christmas with my family and friends. So sad. I'm still thinking how I'll spend my Christmas. *Sigh*

Anyhoe, whatever it takes, I'll definitely be enjoying my December!

Shout Out

2009-11-28T18:20:00.000-08:00

11.29.09

I AM ONE WITH THOSE WHO SHOUT FOR JUSTICE AND PEACE IN MINDANAO. MY HEART WILL ALWAYS BE FOR AND WITH MY HOMELAND.

That Maguindanao massacre has really gotten into my nerves. I know it's not yet too late to write about this since what had happened was such an inhumane, brutal, barbaric and demonic act of violence. I pray for all the lives who were killed - Christians, Muslims, journalists, and civilians alike. And for the people I personally know who never knew that it would be their last day. Nobody knew that it would happen anyway.

I was dumbfounded when I found out from my mom who called from home that my Ninong, a journalist, who was close to me was one of those who were killed. Along with his colleagues, they went there because they were invited to cover the event. Come to think of it, they're just doing their job, they're trying to make a change. And by then, I did not know how to explain what I felt. I could only cry and pray. My mom told me that my father was also supposed to come with them that day to take part in the media coverage. He wasn't able to go because it was my grandma's bday the day before and he got tired the day after.

Apparently, he could have been killed too. I heaved a sigh. In my mind and heart, I was a million times thankful to God that he did not go. Still, my world was momentarily shaken knowing that people whom I have had good times before were brutally killed. Until now, I still cannot believe it.

Vengeance is God's alone - I have believed in that for so long now. But I believe something definitely needs to be done. And the government better be doing something. The people behind this brutal act must be punished. I doubt if those people are really humans, they're unbelievable. It makes me believe in hell.

I know God will make a way.

Tell Me Something New

2009-11-24T19:26:00.000-08:00

11.25.09

For the past few weeks, I've been thinking about my whole damn life since I started working - how it has been so routinary, so toxic, so unbelievable, so unexpected, and so much of what's enough. Every little thing is just like that. There's one good thing though: I'm in love. And I hope he knows that. But that's another story. Anyway...

My everyday routine suddenly had a 90-degree turn when I decided to try taking a step forward in my career life. I applied for another position still in the company I'm working for. I noticed the announcement for the internal job openings last night when I checked my emails. I applied as a Communication Specialist for the company with qualifications that fit the same things I was doing back in college. I was still having a dilemma to apply or not since I only have a day to process my application. Good thing it did not give me a hard time, thanks to my supervisor.

Just this morning after shift, I immediately rush home to update my resume. I then realized that I'm not sure how to write a resume anymore! And this is a targeted type of resume. The nerve. I'm not sure if I did it right. I hope I did not create my own style. Haha. Anyhoe, I'm glad I made it for today's deadline before noon. Whew.

I just can't help but congratulate myself at least for the effort, for trying to move forward. Being a telephone banker is so tiring. I know I learned a lot from it - from patience to self-control, discipline and focus. But I just feel the need to grow as a person, to relearn the things I learned back in school, and to do what I really want to do this time.

I may or may not be accepted. But at least I tried. And at least I had once again proven to myself that I am capable of making a difference in my life. I can start from there. And I know everything will just follow. Not bad ayt?

I'm The Queen of the World!

2009-11-11T21:27:00.000-08:00

11.12.09

Binasag ko na ang nakabibinging katahimikan tungkol sa isang bagay na matagal kong iningatan. Napansin ko nitong mga nakaraang linggo, lumelevel-up na naman ang lifestyle ko. Habang tumatagal, nagiging mas toxic. Kasing toxic na ng dichlorodiphenyltrichloroethane (DDT/synthetic pesticide).

Kung tatanungin ako, "ewan" lang ang maisasagot ko. Pero alam kong may maisasagot pa akong mas matino pa sa "ewan." Naghahanap lang talaga ako ng tamang palusot sa mga nagawa kong kasalanan at kamunduhan.

Andami kong gustong gawin sa buhay ko pero para bang walang sapat na panahon. Gusto ko sanang subukang gawin ang mga hindi ko pa nagagawa noon. Gusto kong kumain ng apoy at magskydiving! Gusto kong sumakay sa hot-air balloon at sa cable car, yung totoong cable car! Gusto kong magswimming sa balong malalim. Gusto kong mag walk-in sa rooftop ng Crown Regency Hotel! At gusto kong umakyat sa tuktok ng Mt. Everest para sumigaw ng I'M THE QUEEN OF THE WORLD!!!!! Loka-loka diba?

Pero kung yung mga bagay naman na yun ang makakapagpasaya sayo, bakit naman hindi diba? Saan ba nagtatago si Happiness? Kahit overreaction, kahit cheesy-ness, mushy-ness, hyperbolical, metaphorical - sino namang makikialam?

Nga pala, tumigil na ako sa pagyoyosi. Ibig kong sabihin, pansamantala akong tumigil. Ika nga nila, make your words sweet just in case you have to eat them. Sana lang tuluy-tuloy na ito. Kailangan kong bawas-bawasan kahit paano ang toxicity ng lifestyle ko. Andami-dami-dami ko ng iniisip! Masyadong na ngang crowded ang utak ko. Sinusubukan kong magkaroon ng healthy lifestyle. Pwede ba yun? Ang trabaho ko pa lang, hindi na healthy.

Bored ka na nga kasi wala kang magawa sa buhay, lalasunin mo pa ang boring life mo. Naisip ko lang, kailangan ko ng simulan ang contingency plan ko (medyo huli na nga eh), pero never say die raw kaya ayos lang!

Magmula ngayon, aayusin ko na ang buhay ko.

The L Word

2009-11-08T02:43:00.000-08:00

11.08.09

Stolen here.

The word "love" can mean a lot of things. More often than not, it's a sign of serious commitment, that his feelings run deep and that he's looking at your relationship as something for the long-term. If he says it, "he might think that he'll suddenly become responsible for you and your happiness, so he'll wait until he's sure he can live up to that. So be glad that he doesn't take the L word too lightly, or use it too readily. It's not that he's thinking of himself - he's actually thinking of you. --- Cosmo, August 2008

** Err. Thanks. That's the answer I've been looking for quite some time now. And it has psychological bases so I ought to believe it.

REAlity Check

2009-11-07T19:13:00.000-08:00

11.08.09

1. I am nowhere near saving some bucks for my future. I'm 20. I'm working. But I feel like I'm still a bum.

Palusot: I read from one of Bianca's (Gonzales) blog posts that her brother's best advice about traveling is to spend all the money you have while you're still young. The best time to spend is the time after college graduation, when you don't think much about your future yet.

2. I hope my life's not going to be an unending deferral.

Palusot: Lagi na lang for the mean time. Hanggang kelan ba matatapos ang for the mean time?

3. I'm not sure if I'm getting good at decision-making.

Palusot: I think the thing is.. how I'd manage to get out of my own mess.

4. I'm addicted to coke. I drink coke three times a day.

Palusot: It's my way of keeping myself awake while at work.

5. I hope I'm not addicted to something I should not be addicted to.

Palusot: Lord, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.

Hay. Life is one damned thing after another.

Starbucks

2009-11-04T21:56:00.000-08:00

11.05.09

--Ako at si Gold sa Starbucks--

Hay. Tell me something new. I hope I could just enjoy my ass out like this all the time. Tambay sa Starbucks, waldas ng pera, kain, inom, yosi break, movie break, breaking legs and breaking necks. Something/s to that effect. But I can't. Working is so damn tiring. I wanna get wild but I need to be in control.

It's sort of frustrating. You work hard so you get paid, then you work again so you'd get paid again. The cycle goes on and on and on and you'll never get rich. A large percent of your salary goes directly to the government yet you see no changes in this poor country. If you ask for a raise, the government asks for a raise too. Ano ba!

I just realized I need something to invest on before I get married. Ang tanong? What, where, and how?

Two-Five

2009-10-24T20:28:00.000-07:00

10.25.09

I just wanna write this down to mark the date.
Today is worth the wait.
(Or is it, really?)
And I swear, I'm tired.
But I feel good.
And wonderful.

Its her birthday!

2009-10-18T12:13:00.000-07:00

10.19.09

1:06am today. I greeted Gold a happy birthday.

Here's my text message:

Goldie! Happy happier and happiest bday to you. 21 ka na, pwede ka na mag-asawa. Haha. Miss you much. Labyu.

Here's her reply:

Rea Gene! Thank you many much. One of my truest friends. Sana nga magpakasal na kami. Haha. Labyu too. Don't get pregnant!

So I called her and we talked for 36 minutes. I don't know. But when it comes to real friends, I really find myself going all too emotional. Maybe because I value them as much as I value myself.

Gold is really someone who's super close to me, though I never expected we'd be that close. But it turned out we have sort-of the same sentiments in life so we clicked. She's this really strong woman who'll do whatever it takes to achieve what she wants. Plus I know she will always be there to help. And we'll see each other soon!

Here I am, struggling over my pathetic lovelife. I realize I still have friends and I'm sure they won't leave me, and they'll be there even at my worst.

I don't know.

2009-10-16T00:32:00.000-07:00

10.16.09

I don't know. Maybe I'm just so tired. I'm flat-out tired. But I definitely cannot go on like this forever. I need to do something. I'm even thinking of doing something new every weekend, like spending my restday somewhere I can just chill and forget the hassle even for a while.

I don't know. The world is just a very complicated place to live in. There are questions you wanna ask but you're afraid to hear the answers, you're afraid to hear the truth. When you badly wanna stop, you just can't. You wanna just throw things out of your mind so you could have inner peace, yet you cannot seem to stop thinking about them.

I don't know. You wanna be free, but you have your limits so then you're not really free after all. When you wanna get something done, you just don't know where to start. It's a lot of mindwork, thinking about all these things running inside my head. As much as I don't wanna acknowledge the thought, it's stressful indeed. I need a break.

Says Alanis Morissette...

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

You grieve you learn  
You choke you learn
You laugh you learn
You choose you learn  
You pray you learn
You ask you learn
You live you learn

....

and she's damn right.

So we're ok, we're fine.

2009-10-13T18:30:00.000-07:00

10.14.09

Well, I think I'm happy now. I mean. Yes, I'm sure I'm happy. *Wink*

Sleeping is the best policy.

2009-10-11T17:20:00.000-07:00

10.12.09
3.16 am

I just woke up from a very good sleep. Last night, I slept at around 8pm, which was totally out of normal, and I didn't have a feeling that it was gonna be a good good night. After what we have talked over the phone? He must be that mad with what I did that he shouted at me twice and after reminding him that he's already shouting, he told me it's just the way his voice sounds over the phone. Yeah, like an irate caller who was charged $210 non-sufficient funds fees and was overdrawn by a thousand bucks. I forgive him. I know it was my fault and I really know he always gets pissed whenever I need to say something but cannot say it either because I'm scared or I just cannot say it.

But last night was indeed a good good night - because (I think) I also woke up from my sweet dream and my beautiful nightmare. Lol. Yes, seriously. It all dawned on me and though it really hit where it hurts most, I didn't mind. I woke up realizing that he never called again like what he'd promised. We're supposed to continue talking about our unfinished business. I didn't expect that he'd call again either, I didn't want to be disappointed again. So I didn't mind if I had dozed off anytime by then. I was tired that day.

I have to quit fooling myself now before anything else gets worse. I really have to learn from my mistakes - if loving him is a big mistake, then I have to learn from it. I'm not tired. I'll never get tired of loving even if it spells b-u-l-l-s-h-i-t in the end. I won't blame him for not standing up for this crap - I can't. After all, nobody forced us to be together. I just don't know where to stand anymore. Do I even have the right to feel jealous, to feel mad, to impose my rules and all that fuss (?). So now I'm letting it all go. No, not necessarily to end it. Not just yet. I just don't know what to do. There's too much shame I cannot bear anymore. And I only have two hands to cover my face from it.

I could have crafted a perfect explanation on why I'm acting this way using my essay-writing prowess. But it will make no sense now. Now that I've totally proven everything's just a big mess. Ok then, I'll have to back off a little and just make the most of what I have. I know he'll ask me to explain like what he always wanted but there'd be no need for that because it won't change a thing. Murphy had it written right? If anything can go wrong, it will. He doesn't care (I think) so let's stop there. Or maybe he's just insensitive. Either way, it's still gonna cause me trouble. I'll just let him be happy, let him do what he wants to do with himself and his life. No regrets though. The heart forgives and the heart forgets.

So that tonight, if we see each other, I'll be all fine and cool. I don't need all the drama anymore (at least for now). I AM FINE - and I mean it.

And I never thought that only a good sleep would knock me off my feet and shake the earth out of me. Thank God.

Queen Paranoia

2009-10-10T20:38:00.000-07:00

10.11.09

here

Time:
4.08pm

If crying is the only way to ease all pain and remove the emotional baggage I feel inside right this very moment, then I don't care if I'll have to cry all night up to the wee hours of the morning. I said before that I am brilliant, now I'm having doubts about it. Why. How could I possibly ruin what could have been a sensible conversation between him and me last night. Yes, me and my big mouth. On why the words came out so naturally is way past beyond me. I'm beginning to think I'm a loser.

Now, I feel more alone than ever. I'm not sure if he will still talk to me after what I told him. He's not answering any of my calls and text messages. So now I feel so damned.. and alone.. and alone. I feel alone - with no one to talk to and no one to run to (except for Beans who's miles away so we talked over the phone while I cried and whined about my stupidity). And now I'm back to saying I only have myself to depend on.

Right now, I feel the loneliness, fear, self-betrayal, hopelessness, stupidity, insecurities, embarrassment, shame, confusion, emptiness, and all other negativities strike me hard, strike me BIG time. It feels like I wanna cover my face just to save my ass - whatever that means. I never thought that being here in Cebu would be so much of a struggle. I'm currently battling with homesickness and emotional turmoil and it just feels like the world has turned its back on me. I'm crying pails and pails of tears just to let it all out.

Everything's just really slapped into my face one after the other. Alright, I'm young and (maybe) in love. Good thing, it pays to be strong and in control. I've had so much today that all made me feel so down. Al is one thing, what happened to me an hour ago is another thing. Both left me in utter disgust.

The world seems to be so unfair - for no apparent reasons, for all the possible reasons. I guess I just have to call it a day.

----
12:09pm

I wrote that early this morning just so I'd fall asleep. And now, I almost fell from where I was seated when I read his text message. It's almost funny. I mean it's funny but it makes me wanna cry even more. Not because finally he replied but because he said he wasn't angry at all. He said he just fell asleep so he wasn't able to reply. What a bullshit. I went ahead swallowing my pride and saying things I shouldn't have been telling him just to save my ass only to find out that he had no idea what I was talking about. Plus I almost got harmed because of my new neighbors/guys next door plus I almost consumed a pack of cigarette (which is not so bad at all but is still too much for me). Oh God. Talk about hell.

I can only heave a sigh. At least glad that he wasn't mad at me. Now I have to bear him asking why I went all too hysterical.

Plus I have to bear that new-found friend who's actually a total stranger turned stalker in the making.

Hay. Enough for today. I know I have to learn the hard way.

Just Right

2009-10-09T22:38:00.000-07:00

10.10.09

Hindi ko inakala na magkakaganito
Wala namang nagsabi na malabo ang mundo.
Di narin namin inaasahang maintindihan
Alam naman nilang wala kaming pakialam
Kung san man tutungo
At kung kailan kami hihinto
Kung bukas man o bukas pa
Tuluyan ng tapusin ang kanta...

-pne

Breaktime.. Not.

2009-10-07T17:38:00.000-07:00

10.08.09

Akala ko breaktime na namin. Akala ko lang. Pero hindi ko naman talaga inisip na mangyayari yun. Nagparty ako ng malalang malala noong Linggo. Kinabukasan, maliban sa hangover, konsensya ang inabot ko. Siguro dahil sinabi nyang aayusin na nya ang buhay nya at magpapakabait na sya at sana (dapat) raw ay ganun din ang gawin ko. Maayos naman ata ang lahat sa akin. Sya lang naman talaga ang iniintindi ko dahil sya ay isang super confused citizen na hindi alam kung anong gagawin sa buhay nya. AT magugulat ka kung gugustuhin na nyang magpakasal.

Dahil nga pinanganak akong stalker, andami kong nalalaman. O baka matalino lang talaga ako, I have my way to connect the dots and solve the puzzle. Oha. Masaya ako kahapon dahil kahit paano ay naisip nya rin magpakatino. Magandang senyales.

Kanina, habang magkasama kami at magkatabi bago magsimula ang trabaho, nakangiti pa kami pareho. Nakikisabay naman ang lakas ng hangin na parang uulan na. Yosi break. Kwento-kwento. Tapos biglang tumunog ang cellphone nya, may tumatawag. Kasabay ng paglakas ng ihip ng hangin, umiba rin ang kanyang facial expression. Parang disappointed...

Medyo lumayo sya ng konti para sagutin ang tawag. Aktwali, nasa harap ko lang sya nakatayo. Narinig kong sinasabi nya ang mga katagang.. "Hinintay ko ang text mo kanina.. lagi lang akong nakaabang sa cellphone ko... Kelan naman tayo magkikita pa ulit?.. Saan ka pala ngayon? ... O sige na ----- (pangalan)... itetext nalang kita."

Syempre binanggit nya ang pangalang iyon. At alam kong yun na nga yun. Sya yung babaeng yun. Pakiramdam ko nga mas malakas pa sa ihip ng hangin ang utak kong nagsasalita nang oras na yun.

Ayokong magtanong. Hindi ko rin alam kung gugustuhin ko bang marinig ang sagot. At syempre, ano bang gawa ng Facebook? Basang-basa ko ang ibig sabihin ng mga status messages nya. Alam kong iniisip nyang hindi ko alam o wala akong alam o kung ano man. Nakalimutan nya ata na napag-utusan nya akong tawagan ang babaeng yun dati gamit ang cellphone ko (noong friends pa lang kami).

Ang babaeng yun ang taong nagdulot sa kanya ng sakit sa puso. Huh. At hanggang ngayon, sa tingin ko ay pilit nyang iniiwan ang alala ng nakaraan. Kahit nasasaktan ako kapag katext at kausap nya yun, wala naman akong magagawa.

Medyo nawalan ako ng gana kanina pagkatapos ng nangyari. Pero maya-maya pa ay sinabi nya sa aking hindi nya ako paglalaruan at ayaw nyang gawin yun. Doon ko rin ata naisip na baka ginagawa nyang lahat para makalimutan ang nakaraan. Sabi nya ulit na aayusin na nya ang buhay nya at.. "Lahat ng negative vibrations... " (hindi nya alam kung anong idudugtong.. so sabi ko.. gagawin mong positive?) Tumawa sya at sinabing.. hindi, mahirap yun, gagawin kong fuel... (napaisip na naman ako sa fuel at natawa bigla.. mukhang di nya alam pano sasabihin kaya ako nalang ang tumapos.. sabi ko.. for better life!) Nakakatawa rin. Tinanong ko nga sya kung anong retreat ang sinalihan nya at may mga ganun syang nalalaman.

Wala naman talagang problema sa akin ang lahat. Kahit mahal ko ang isang tao, ayoko ring pagpilitan ang sarili ko dahil alam kong hindi kami magiging masaya. Siguro kailangan nya lang sabihin sa akin kung gusto nyang layuan ko sya para malaman ko kung saan ko ilalagay ang sarili ko.... (Pakiramdam ko naman ay ayaw nya akong mawala, siguro nalilito lang sya, inaayos nya pa ang buhay nya ngayon.)

Pero ok na ako, ok? Minsan lang talaga, komplikado ang mga bagay-bagay.

Wannabe!

2009-10-05T17:44:00.000-07:00

10.06.09

Maybe you might have some advice
to give on how to be insensitive.
Eh?

"I love the way you bitched out ." - Beans

2009-10-04T23:02:00.000-07:00

10.05.09

.. Ang sagot ni Beans ng ikwento ko sa kanya ang kagagahan ko kahapon. Idol nya talaga ako kahit anong mangyari, sa kagagahan man o sa katinuan. Lol!

Siguro masaya lang ako kaya ko sinusulat ito. Hmmm. Half-happy, half-lonely. Hehe. Alam mo na kung bakit. (At mainit din, at bored din ako).

Hindi na Sabado ang Araw ng mga Lasenggo. Linggo na ang bagong araw natin mga kapwa ko. Kahapon, alas tres ng hapon hanggang alas kwatro ng umaga kanina ang kahabaan ng aking gimik. Akala ko tatambay lang kami sa Mcdo, chill kunwari, kain dito kain doon, yosi dito yosi doon. Pinagmamasdan namin ni Kj ang mga taong dumaraan, sinong gwapo, sinong hindi, sinong tama lang ang timpla. Masaya. Pampalipas oras lang.

Nakaubos ako ng isang Coke Float, isang Twister Fries ba yun (?) na parang french fries din, lamang lang ng cheese ang Twister. Tapos kumain ako ng Choco Sundae. Nagyosi kami na parang wala ng bukas.

Pinakikinggan ko ang mga Engineering students sa gilid namin, (assuming lang ako na Eng'g sila) may "group study" ata sila, nagTatagalog, mga lalake lahat sobra lima. Namiss ko tuloy ang study time kunwari namin sa Mcdo noong nasa kolehiyo pa ako. Sinong niloko nila.

Nakilala ko si Jet, pinakilala ni Kj. Sabi ni Jet, pamilyar daw ako sa kanya. Sabi ko naman apat na buwan pa lang ako sa Cebu. Sabi nya baka may nangyari na raw sa amin noon. Nagka-stars na naman ang aking paningin at sabi kong.. wala, wala pa naman. (Syempre wala. Hello?)

Sabi ko kay Kj, miss ko na ang magvideoke. Niyaya nya ako sa Trap, one hour and 30 minutes lang daw kami. Parang 3 units ng subject noong college, 1 hr and 30 mins. Haha. Umorder sya ng Coke, akin naman Mango Juice. At bigla naming narealize na hindi pala bagay sa amin ang magpakawholesome kaya naghorse nalang. Yum. Yum.

Dumating ang dalawang kaibigan ni Kj na matagal na nyang hindi nakikita. Maya-maya pa ay dumating ang syota ni Kj. Ayun, naka apat na sets kami at matapos ang inuman at kantahan, nag uumapaw na ang ashtray. Alam mo na kung bakit. Ang lungs ko, shet. Syempre kinalimutan na namin ang 1 hr and 30 minutes.

Lumipat kami ng Doce, period. Disco ang trip at iba pa (haha!). At doon na nga kami naghasik ng lagim. Umorder ng dalawang sets ng horse at bumuga na naman. Kung ano man yun, kami na lang nakakaalam. Lol.

Ako'y nagtapon ng isang libo sa isang gabi lang. Isang libo't isang tuwa. Pero isa lang ata ang laman ng utak ko kagabi. Ang saya.

And the rest is history...

...

2009-10-03T10:37:00.000-07:00

10.04.09

Bluquote

"If something can go wrong, it will." Though I don't quite understand, I'll try to understand and if trying would be so hard, then it's either I can stop trying or pick myself up and keep going.

Reductor Velocidad

2009-10-01T18:03:00.000-07:00

10.02.09

Ang bilis naman ng mga araw. Hindi ko man lang namalayang October na pala, tapos mamaya, November na, tapos sa isang iglap lang December na! Kaarawan ko na!! Kaya siguro mabilis din ang takbo ng utak ko. Sa sobrang bilis, hindi ko na mahabol. Whew.

Chillax. Kalma lang. Relax. Hinga. Buga. Siguro nga tama ang aking alter-ego, dahan-dahan lang daw. Tama, hindi naman ako nagmamadali eh. Sino ba?

Love & Lust Quiz

2009-09-27T21:42:00.000-07:00

09.28.09

Out of curiosity, and probably boredom, I took this quiz from Cosmo.

Are you in love for real, or forcing it?
Find out if you’re in a relationship because you’re truly smitten by your guy, or just because you can’t stand being single.

AND here's the result.

In Love

Peek a Boo.

Baby, you have something more precious than diamonds: totally legit love. If he were to dump you tomorrow (the horror!), you'd mourn his scent, his kisses, even his completely ridiculous sense of humor. In fact, you're so enamored, you'd still be rip-his-pants-off attracted to him even if he lost his job or his looks took a nosedive. "You feel such a deep sense of adulation and respect for your partner that you're sure you can grow and change and your love won't dip," says Nancy Rosenbach, PhD, a clinical psychologist in New York City and Long Island. "That kind of confidence comes from letting a relationship develop at its own speed. And if you do wind up marrying this person, you know it won't be about planning the wedding and all the romance that surrounds it. It will be about the privilege of having this amazing man with you for life."

Another sign you're smitten: In addition to being sexually electrified by him, you don't need anyone else singing his praises—whether he's considered a catch by your friends or family is completely irrelevant. As long as you're content, that's what counts. "The fact that you don't have to ask your friends to verify that you're a great couple means you're totally secure in the relationship," says Rosenbach. Plus, you don't really feel jealous or competitive with friends who are moving faster than you are on their couple track. Because let's face it: You know what you have feels right, and all those fabulous we're-in-it-forever milestones will eventually happen. "When a person is legitimately in love, she's not trying to live up to other people's ideals of what the perfect relationship should be," says Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, a relationship therapist in New York City and author of Make Up, Don't Break Up. "You trust the strong emotions you feel in your gut, and that's all that matters."

What I have to say:

1. I took the quiz seriously.
2. Is this result for real?
3. And this even has psychological bases huh?
4. This is oh-so-bullshit.
5. Dot. Dot. Dot.

I Just Can't Get Enough. I Miss Them.

2009-09-27T08:55:00.000-07:00

09.28.09

I'm missing a lot of people. I've just realized how alone I am. Not because I'm boredshit, not because it's Sunday going to Monday, not because I've been 4 months here, not because Al's not around... Good old days have always been haunting me, in a nice sense of way. How nostalgic.

Again, I miss a lot of people.

PKYUB. Me, Rang & Hannah during Hannah's grad party at Tboli Hotel

With Godezes, my highschool barkada at Veranda. Last December when everyone was home in GenSan. And for the first time, late ako sa lakad na ito. I miss them. I miss Veranda too. Hehe.

I miss the most wonderful woman in the world, my mama. And there's a lot more adjectives to add. She's just simply the best for me.

July, my younger bro. We haven't seen each other for monthsss. He has not even attended my Graduation. Nakakalungkot. I admit, parang pang Mr. Pogi contest ang pic na to. Haha. He's currently finishing his Marine Eng'g course in Bataan. Right now, he's an intern in an international ship at nililibot ang buong mundo. Mas mayaman pa sya sa akin. Pero ang tanong, mayaman ba ako? Lol. O.O

July, with my father. If you have a father like him, mararanasan mong umakyat sa gate ninyo every night, lumuhod sa sahig at mapalo ng buckle ng belt. Martial Law kumbaga. Good times, bad times. Most of the time, we argue, we fight. Our opinions clash. I even go beyond my way to curse him. I know. My bad. What else can I do? Pareho kaming matigas ang ulo. But I still love him and miss him --- because of the person I became if not for his hard ways. He made me learn things the hard way.

With my shobe (younger sis), meet Lucky/Lucks slash Lux. She's indeed lucky she has me! Haha. I miss this little bitch. She's turning 13 on 12/13. Lucky 13! She's moody but she's sweet.

My uncle who's in Thailand now, and the kids (my cousins) who are in GenSan. Nakakawala ng stress if you see kids smiling and laughing. Masdan mo ang mga bata, ang sagot ay iyong makikita. Parang wala silang problema.

With Beans, Elts, Coh, and Gold. I miss our tambay moments a.k.a LING 101. College days. *Sigh... Life is a lot easier with them around.

One of our Samal days (Jo's bday), I miss the beach and these bitches as well. I've never been to a beach here in Cebu. Here's to the first person who'll bring me to a beach! Chaaraannn! Bring me there first! Haha.

With college classmates in White Island, Camiguin. I miss Camiguin but I miss my classmates all the more!

With Gold, Ram, and Beans at Someplace Else. I think I'm missing Shisha too. Shisha with these people.

Of course, I miss the Barkadahang Tunay. One of the most wholesome moments in my life with BT. Banana-q and Coke lang. Plus some smoke. And I miss Rubia too.

And I miss my Petrache Girls. Hehe. My home away from home, with Van, Roselle, and Arvi. Missing in action sina Chaps, Meng & Rij sa picture.

Syempre, I miss this jerk. Si Mr. Beans, always the best. At paborito ko ang larawang ito kahit medyo blurry, haha. We were both young when I first saw you. Haha! The only person I text and call everyday and almost everyday, pero I still miss him. I love the person I am when I'm with him :D

There! I'm not sure if I'm a different person now. And if I am, what makes me different from before, then? I miss them. I really do. And even though I'm not with them now, I always remember them. I did not choose to leave for the sake of leaving the people I love. Perhaps, I just want to see the world in a different perspective.

So help me God.

InsomYUCK

2009-09-26T14:35:00.000-07:00

09.27.09

Time: 5:43am

This is so terrible. I'm having a hard time to sleep. Is this sleep disorder? Or is this plain old me? Gawd! Plus boredom is hitting me hard. What more can you ask for? I'm one step closer to insanity. *Sigh..

I spent almost all night lying on my bed (alone, of course), grabbing the pending book I have and tried reading it. In the middle of nothingness, I found myself grabbing my phone, texting, and calling some bitches and jerks. At around 1am, I was about to go out to do my already-drunk friend a favor by fetching her at Vista Grande, somewhere outside the city, some place I haven't even heard of. And I was like, are you sure?? Good thing I dozed off for a while.. while waiting for her go signal. Ulk. I hadn't heard anything from her though so I changed clothes and lay on my bed again, wide awake.

Whatta boring way to spend a Saturday. This is sucha disaster.

You're Lonely, But Who Isn't?

2009-09-23T18:20:00.000-07:00

09.24.09

I've spent four years of college in Davao City, and now I'm working in Cebu City for four months now. But NO, that doesn't mean I'm forgetting GenSan. I'm desperately missing my hometown more and more and more. Much more when I've read from one of my stalked blogs GenSan Online News Mag authored by the ever-famous Bariles that AIR SUPPLY is hitting the city! I went all too hysterical. Hey! It's AIR SUPPLY Concert in GenSan! Sadly, I know that I'll be missing the chance to savor their music and watch them perform live.

Well, guess I have to look at the bright side of life right? After all, my fellow Generals will get to watch Air Supply live and that alone is heartwarming. Plus, it's a sign that GenSan is on its way to being more and more progressive. We're talking Air Supply here and it's BIG time! It's a major production of Dreamwork Ventures Inc.'s Platinum Concert Series 2009, in cooperation with the city government of GenSan, the GenSan City Chamber of Commerce and Industry Inc, ABS-CBN.

Exponential thanks to the generous hearts of the sponsors, Grab A Crab Restaurant - this uber-famous restaurant in GenSan that never fails to give me a satisfied stomach whenever I hang out there, MISO Hardware, San Miguel Corporation, Coca Cola Bottlers Inc., East Asia Royale Hotel, Coffee Dream, Giacominos, NY Fries and Dips, Giacominos (Gaisano Mall of GenSan) and Gregoria Printing Press.

HERE AND NOW, for the love of GenSan, I am joining this What Air Supply Song Are You? Blog Contest. *Claps*

At 20, who could have thought that I've already been involved into so much second-hand emotions? At this age, my young heart had already experienced its own pinches and punches of failed relationships and wasted tears, not to mention war of the worlds in the making and the men-are-from-Mars-women-are-from-Venus stuff. Sabi nga nila, may gatas ka pa sa labi. True enough, I'm still young and innocent. But there was never a written rule that states, thou shall not fall in love if you're still (insert age here). And I'm not getting any younger.

Like any other avid fans, I don't have copies of Air Supply's albums but I remember spending all night listening to my friend's Mp3 player that played all the songs of Air Supply. Thinking about this million-dollar blog contest question, I didn't have to think twice about my answer. There could only be one song that best fits me now. And that would be, Two Less Lonely People in the World.

I was down, my dreams were wearing thin
When you're lost, where do you begin?
My heart always seemed to drift from day to day
Looking for the love that never came my way

I always think that I'm going nowhere all the time, that I'm a young fellow who seemed to be always uncertain of the things I do, that I'm always looking for love where there can be no love. No, this is not about bitterness. I know I've learned a lot with my past relationships. It's just that at some point in our lives, we feel empty, jaded, and faded.

Then you smiled and I reached out to you
I could tell you were lonely too
One look, then it all began for you and me
The moment that we touched, I knew that there would be...

And now, and I mean right now, right where I am now, I met him. We do not know exactly how everything began. In roughly four months, just when I told myself that I should avoid any relationships for now, I found myself committing myself once more. Who do I blame? I'm always a risk-taker. And I'm never afraid of pain and heartaches.

Two less lonely people in the world
And it's gonna be fine
Out of all the people in the world 
I just can't believe you're mine 
In my life where everything was wrong 
Something finally went right...

I've stated this line in my previous blog post here dated 09.07.2009: "Or maybe he's right when out of the blue he said-- we're just two less lonely people (in the world). He's lonely, I'm lonely." So then I thought, maybe we just find comfort in knowing that we're not alone in our loneliness.

It's pretty ironic how loneliness has found its way to have us meet halfway so we could enjoy each other's presence. In the course of my soul-searching in this place I am new at, he's the first person I shared something special with. And that is something I am happy about.

So if you think you're lonely? Well then, who isn't? Fate has its own way to bring you to someone who can share your loneliness with you. And it's cathartic. Now I can tell that being lonely is not really lonely after all. Ironic indeed.

Hang in there!

2009-09-20T11:37:00.000-07:00

09.21.09

Oxytocin alert! Breathe in. Breathe out. Inhale. Exhale. Life's too short to waste on worries. Hug a tree. Eat a lot. Drink and be merry! Do things you've never done before. Stay happy. Tomorrow is another day.

I think I had enough. It's alright to be bothered. It's alright to cry once in a while. It's alright to let it all out. Because after all, we cannot always pretend that we're fine. I'm tired of saying I'm fine even when I'm not. I'm tired of saying I understand even when I don't. I'm just flat-out tired. Just for this time, I have to hear myself speak. No more fake smiles. Life's good, gotta keep going.

What!

2009-09-19T07:17:00.000-07:00

09.19.09

Link

I knew I was pretty drunk then, but I knew I told you the right thing.

Ano Ba!

2009-09-11T17:54:00.000-07:00

09.12.09

Link

I'm afraid this blog's getting a little bit geared towards a single person. AND as much as I hate to do it (the opposite actually, if you know what I mean), this blog's meant to satisfy me in any way it can so... be it! Ok?

LUNES. No. Thankfully, he didn't step on a rotten tomato on his way to downtown to meet me. But the day was ALMOST, as in ALMOST cancelled again. May konsensya pala sya (hindi ito sarcasm ha), natuwa lang ako. Nagtext sya ng 3pm kung kelan dapat magkikita kami, ang tanong kung umuulan daw ba sa amin, reply ko lang ay ulan. Tanong nya kung malakas ba. Sabi ko hindi na. Tapos hindi ko na alam kung anong sumunod na usapan hanggang umabot na sa reply kong bagyo na naman ba sa inyo? kaya hindi ka na naman matutuloy? ANG TARAY diba? Sagot nya, tuloy tayo. Ay, natakot ata. At nagkita nga kami. Masaya.

At tulad ng dati, mabilis lamang ang pagdaan ng mga araw. Parang wala lang nangyari noong Martes hanggang Huwebes.

BIYERNES. Tawanan. Usapan. Kumakanta pa sya ng Quit Playing Games with my Heart. At bigla akong napailing sa kanyang naitanong. Tinanong nya ako kung ilan ang syota ko (ang pangit naman ng term na syota...). Tanong nya may boyfriend daw ba ako sa amin. Defensive naman si ako, sabi ko wala. Eh wala naman talaga diba? Wala na. Tapos sagot nya... ako meron, dalawa (hindi, wala syang boyfriend ha, girlfriend meron).Natahimik ako. Di ko alam kung anong reaksyon ko. Tapos sabi nya, isa lang pala kasi kabit lang ako sa isa. Joke ba yun? Hindi ako sigurado.

Mga bagay na sinabi nya na hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong isagot, kung ano ang dapat na maging reaksyon ko....

Sabi nya ng pa-joke, hindi raw ako sweet. Baka hindi nga. Hindi naman talaga masyado pag maraming tao. Alam mo na. Nasa lugar naman siguro ako. Sori.

Baka ikinakahiya ko raw sya. Hindi naman a! Bakit ko naman gagawin yun??

Hindi ka nagtetext. Kung magtext ka 9pm na. Sabi ko naman hindi ko kasi alam anong irereply ko sa kanya.

Hindi mo sinabing online ka pala sa Facebook. Sabi ko naman sandali lang akong online, may binasa lang. At totoo yun ha. (At right this very moment, nagtext syang online na naman daw ako. Yatap!)

Saan tayo mamaya? Sagot ko, ayan ka na naman. Tapos sasabihin mong ayaw mo palang lumabas.

At ito ang pinaka sa lahat ng pinaka....

Ayaw nya naman daw kasing ipilit ang sarili nya sa akin........................

At ako'y natulala... Kasi. Matagal kong pinagpraktisan ang linyang yan. Sasabihin ko sana sa kanya pag napatunayan kong may girlfriend (pa) sya (na mukhang wala naman, hindi lang talaga ako sigurado). Masakit yun nu. Parang... Unfair? Ganun lang.

Ang point ko naman... Ang hayoooopppp! Naunahan pa ako!!!!!!!!!! Di ko akalaing sasabihin nya ang linyang matagal ko ng gustong ibato sa kanya.

Ok naman talaga kami. Hindi pa kami nag-aaway. Hindi pa. At ayaw rin naming mag-away.

At ngayon, ang kaya ko na lang isipin ay "Haaayyyyyy."

A NOVEL

2009-09-06T19:16:00.000-07:00

09.07.09

Link

Let's just say I couldn't sleep so I was moved to write this entry. It's 2am now, already Monday. Yesterday... was the second time that he asked me out... and also the second time that it has been cancelled.

First, he's not feeling good, actually, he suddenly changed his mood and felt like he didn't want to go out anymore. I told him he's so moody. He might have felt that I was pissed so he called me (his first call ever) to make up for the cancelled day--- we had. I understood, but still he could have tried a little harder. Second (w/c was yesterday), it was raining cats and dogs in their place. I bet he didn't know how to tell me that he couldn't make it. So he broke it to me gently. And even though I was kind of pissed (again), I understood, because it's a one-hour ride from his home to downtown. Plus, what can I do? Blame the storm? Now, I'm just wondering what the next possible reason could be....

-------

I didn't know how, he didn't know either. All we knew was "we're officially on." And I hope he still knows when. I am not even sure if it's supposed to be a secret or if it's meant to be a secret. And if it is, why would it be? When in fact, he keeps telling me that we're not kids anymore. It seems like we don't know how to respond to people asking if we're together. Things between us are getting obvious so I couldn't blame if people wouldn't believe it when we say we're just friends.

I admit. We don't know each other so well. NOT YET, though. So it's kind of ironic why we decided to get ourselves into this relationship and even agreed to get serious with it. We're still on the process of knowing each other and along the way, I know we'll learn more. We've talked about a lot of things already and that's pretty much a rough draft.

I don't know what he exactly thinks of me. All I know was that I have the same name as his ex-girlfriend and I don't even know if that's the recent ex or the first, second, third and so on. We've talked about our past relationships but we didn't drop names, which was sort of.. safe? He said he had his heart broken a long time ago (I don't know exactly how long time ago was it...) and I'm not sure if he wants to get it fixed.

He's always fun to be with, witty, and always true to himself. He's always sweet and thoughtful. He drinks a lot; he smokes a lot too. There are also times when I feel like he has the whole world on his shoulders and I can do nothing but let silence consume him, and listen when he has something to say. When he's not in the mood, he's really not in the mood, and I can feel it. Plus I always notice that signature blank look on his face. Sometimes, it seems like what he's saying is far from what his face is showing. I never thought I'm such a keen observer, the stalker in me has always been helpful, but then he's much more of a keen observer than I claim myself to be. He notices a lot of things more than I do.

In roughly four months, we've known each other. These past two months, we've been sort-of together but not really. And for the record, it has just been some three weeks since we considered everything for real and not for reel.

Believe it or not, we never exchanged iloveyous yet. Could it be that we don't really love each other? No, that would be a litte harsh. I don't want us to be singing I Never Really Loved You Anyway (The Corrs) when everything ends. Or maybe he's right when out of the blue he said-- we're just two less lonely people (in the world). He's lonely, I'm lonely. Maybe we just find comfort in knowing that we're not alone in our loneliness.

I have learned to love him. And I'm loving him even more. But I don't know if he feels the same because he never said he does. I never told him I love him either. I don't know if it's some sort of looking through the eyes of love or whatever. Sometimes, I get so emotional. Grounded by my usual pessimistic love adage "all relationships fail," I think I'm being unfair to myself and to whoever I was with before and I am with right now. It's like.. you're already quitting the game when it hasn't even started yet. But that's how things are, right? At one point, all good things come to an end. Flames to dust, lovers to friends.. Lalalahh.

If this has to end, I'll fight for whatever there is to fight for but that's just the least that I can do, because I don't know if he'd be willing to do the same. (And I must say I'm like talking hardcore here.) Maybe because I'm realizing that I'm not getting any younger. And though I know that I still have to take things a little slowly and calmly, in between that, I don't think there's still a room for playing games.

Whatever happens, I'll let him know he'll always be special. He's the first person I shared something special with... from the time I started my soul-searching (aha!). And as they say, firsts are always.. hmm?

If I have my way, I'd hope he'll be able to read this but I know he won't be able to. He said bloggers just waste spaces in the cyberworld. And he knows I'm a blogger, he just wants to piss me off 0.0 (So if you're a blogger, don't take it personally. Lol)

Postscript: I have to add that came 10:30am, he asked if we could go out later. And I said, it's always fine with me, so I let him decide. He said that this time, it'd be sure. Huh. Let's just see what will happen later. I hope he doesn't step on a rotten tomato on his way here :)

Whirlwind

2009-09-05T19:59:00.000-07:00

09. 06. 09

Bluquote

Lots of things in my head these days. Going home but I know I can't yet. Not knowing what I wanna do with my life yet. Discovering myself more. Going to places I've never been to. Being with people I wanna be with. Saving for my future. Having lots and lots of money. Being Little Ms. Independent. Learning, unlearning, and relearning. Taking up Law or any post-graduate studies. Staying happy and cool. Not giving up because I know I held on for so long. Getting good with decision-making. Staying morally uptight. Committing myself with someone once again. Getting ready to get hurt anytime. Preparing to stand and move on if anything goes wrong. Savoring the beauty of being alone. Being responsible of my own mess. Lovin' life and havin' fun. The list goes on and on and on... Guess you just have to wake me up when September ends. Lol.

Kahapon Lamang

2009-08-30T18:46:00.000-07:00

08.31.09

We get hurt the moment we start to CARE ...

Eksaktong 5:22 am sa aking telepono, nagtext si Perky. Ang aga-aga, nagsesenti. Ang hayop pinaulanan na naman ako ng pamatay na mensahe. Ang naisagot ko nalang ay... wow. you really hit where it hurts most.

Tanong nya, bakit? anong nangyari?
Sagot ko naman, long story.

Ayun. At dahil nga long story, di ko na makwento dito. I'm running out of words. Himala. Eh andaming tumatakbo sa utak ko ngayon. Sana mapagod na ako sa kakaisip. Hay.

Nasan Na Nga Ba Ang Barkada?

2009-08-26T22:06:00.001-07:00

08.27.09

02.14.2005
Fourth Year High School
Valentines Day
Upper L-R (Gwyn, Rang, Ako, Hannah)
Bottom L-R (Chaps, Lilet, Wed, Wena)

It has been almost 5 years. We are still friends. We still call ourselves Goddesses, no matter how mushy it may sound to others. College was different. Only Chaps & I went to the same university. But we still make it to a point that we see each other during long breaks or vacations. Now that we're off from college, things are a lot more different. We don't have time to see each other anymore. Good thing, we still find time to communicate. I just miss everyone. I miss everything we do together - tambay, sleepover, night-out and all that stuff that make us happy. Haaay.

Well, after almost 5 years...

Gwyn is back to GenSan. She's on TV! She's working for Abs-Cbn GenSan.

Rang is in Manila, working for IBM.

Hannah is still a Davao citizen. She's an instructor in that same university she went to in college while still maintaining her boutique.

Chaps is.. happy and in love? She's looking for the best job that fits her.

Lilet is back to GenSan too. She's working for One Network Bank now.

Wed is still in Manila (with Rang now) and is about to leave the country for further studies.

Wena is still in school (UP Diliman) because of her 5-year course.

And I.. I'm in Cebu for almost 4 months now, soul-searching (palusot # 01. hehe). Seriously, I'm working my ass out in PeopleSupport and I don't know how long. One sure thing though, I know that at one point, I'll have to quit this job in exchange of what I really love doing.

Blind Item

2009-08-23T23:48:00.000-07:00

08.24.09

Watching the days burning out like a cigarette, just a few drags to go. You built me up and you broke me down, somehow. Everything just seems so clear to me, nothing left to know.

Boredom is the greatest motivator. Kuha ni Beans ang larawang iyan. Stolen shot. Ang hayop. Medyo mahalay ang clear shot nyan. Mabuti na lang at naisipan nyang i-edit para hindi masyadong halata.

Ang sabi ko noon.. Hindi, ayoko. I'll never appreciate that. Pero as early as 18 (actually, late bloomer na nga ang 18 sa mga bugarets eh), ayun namulat na ako sa makamundong pagnanasa. This is a democratic country, who cares? Ganyan ang banat namin. Brand-conscious pa ang mga amBISYOsa!

Wag nga magsalita ng patapos dahil hanggang ngayon, I'm still stuck, trying (but not forcing) to quit. And I tell you, it's sucha lame attempt.

Mabuti na lang at hindi ako adik.......

STOP

2009-08-21T00:14:00.000-07:00

08.21.08

When you can stop, you don’t want to. When you want to stop, you can’t.
— Casper, Candy (2006)

I got this whole idea plus the photo from my Soulmate's blog. I really find this amusing. It really hit where it hurts most.

Sometimes & Always

2009-08-17T20:23:00.000-07:00

08.17.09

(love this photo. link.)

Sometimes I forget that he's waiting downstairs so we could eat lunch and go home together.

Sometimes I linger on the floor like no one's waiting.
Sometimes when I get home, I easily fall asleep so I am not able to text him.
Oh sometimes....
Sometimes I run, sometimes I smile, sometimes I hide :D

Now....

I can't sing a love song
Like the way it's meant to be
Well I guess I'm not that good anymore
But hey, that's just me.

And I.. will love you.. always.
And I'll be there, (forever) and always.

So now..

I don't stay too long on the floor so I wouldn't have to keep him waiting all the time.
When I get home, I fight back yawns and sleepy-ness because we still text (he's a changed person now, at least, somehow: see history here.)

He is.. I think..

my self-inflicted pain (or will be).
my poisonous religion.
my preposterous diversion.
my annoyance.
and yet he remains to be..
my happiness.

I can't put EVERYTHING in words, or at least not yet.
So bear with me.

...

MinimAList

2009-08-09T23:20:00.000-07:00

08.10.09

7:00 am. Itago nalang natin sya sa pangalang Al (para kewl).

Al: Good morning

Ako: Good morning. No sleep yet :)

Al: Why

Ako: Di lang ko makatulog.

Al: Ako 8.30 pa lang tulog na, nice kaayo

Ako: Whoa. Good for you. Healthy living. HAHA.

Al: Dili na healthy living uy. Early lang jud mi nag-inom so early sad ko nahubog

Ako: HAHAHA. Mao diay. Ok, wala na diay healthy living these days.

Al: Di na na uso karon

Ako: Tama, wala na healthy living karon. Go, bisyo all you can. HAHAHA.

Al: K

----- Booogshiiing! At ako'y natulala na naman sa lupit ng kanyang texting prowess. Ang aga-aga bwisit na bwisit ka. Wala ka pang tulog tapos ganyan pa matatanggap mo. Hindi naman yan ang unang beses, at ilang ulit ko na rin syang pinagsabihan na saksakan sya ng pagka one-liner at one-worder. Ang sagot nya lang noon ay, one-liner ba? Take note: sobrang kaligayahan na sa akin ang makitang gumagamit sya ng punctuation marks once in a blue moon. Di kasi sya naglalagay ng tuldok sa last sentence nya. Medyo bwisit ako sa nangyari kaya ng magtext sya ulit (ng blank message) ay hindi na ako nagreply. At nagtext sya ng nagtext ng nagtext at hindi pa rin ako nagreply dahil medyo nawala ang signal ko.

K ----> Ano bang meron sa K? Ikaw ba? Medyo natutuwa ka na kasi medyo may pinatutunguhan na ang usapan nyo, tapos ang isasagot sayo sa bandang huli ay K?? Na hindi naman talaga tama. Meron naman sigurong mas matinong sagot sa K kahit na hindi naman ako nagtatanong. Ang alam ko kasi.. K as in Ketamine, yan ang tinuturok sa mga kabayo. K as in Rated K ang show ni Korina Sanchez. At K, ang reply ng nanay ko noong highschool pa ako sa tuwing nagtetext ako para magpalaam na gagabihin ako sa pag-uwi.

Ang pinaka-nakakatuwa pa dyan ay lagi nya akong nireremind na magtext sa kanya at nagdadrama pa yan kapag di ako nagtetext o nagrereply (which I very rarely do dahil lagi naman akong excited pag nagtetext sya kahit sobrang boring syang katext). Mabuti na lang at masaya syang kausap sa totoong buhay.

At dahil dyan, tonight will be a protest. Tonight will be a DON'T SPEAK I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING NIGHT! Rawr!

Thank you for calling...

2009-08-09T09:49:00.000-07:00

08.09.09

At dahil ako'y isang dakilang stalker, nahanap ko ang larawang ito dito (click mo para klaro). Nakakarelate lang naman kaya ako nagrepost. Hehe. Nakakatuwa nga eh. Out of 12 descriptions, hindi ako sigurado kung alin ang pwedeng makonek sa akin. Basta ang sigurado lang ay...

1. I'm no younger than 19, but not older than 30.

2. Tama, jackets are fashionably necessary nga.

3. Yes, I have lost my sense of time the moment the training began.

4. Knows nothing about latest news. Right. Wala ng panahon magTV.

5. Di naman masyadong deep ang eyebags ko. Thank God!

6. Hindi pa rin ako nagkakape kahit anong mangyari. Mas ok na ang makatulog on duty kaysa sumuka sa floor. Ugh!

7. At ang pinaka sa lahat ng pinaka, hindi ako obese (well, hindi pa at mukhang imposible).

At hindi ko alam kung hanggang kelan ko kakayaning banggitin ang mga katagang ito.. Thank you for calling Telephone Banking, my name is Rea Remegio, how may I help you?????

Kabilugan ng Buwan

2009-08-09T09:10:00.000-07:00

08.09.09

Wala akong larawan ng bilog na buwan so ninakaw ko ito dito.

August 3 - Lunes, ganito ang status message ko sa Facebook...

Suddenly, i feel sooo HOMESICK. Oh how I miss my family, my barkadang tunay, my godezes, my petrache girls, my college life. Haaay. I miss GENSAN, I miss DAVAO. I miss.... *cries*

At bigla nga akong naging emotional. Sabi ng kaibigan ko sa text .... sabi nga nila pag bilog ang buwan, emotional lang daw tayo. Bilog ba ang buwan? Hehe.

Di ko alam kung anong araw ba talaga naging bilog ang buwan. Ang alam ko napansin kong bilog nga ang buwan noong nakaraang linggo. Ginawa ko na ring rason iyon para sabihing... ah kaya pala emosyonal ako...

Super Rea

2009-08-07T02:15:00.000-07:00

08.07.09

Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
I'm chasing after you (?)

*Sigh*.....

I hate it when I just wanna blurt out everything.. and when I do, it seems like everything I say is not enough. I don't wanna believe that I was "gluttonized" earlier by the mere fact that I'm-just-sad-because-I-think-or-I'm-sure-he's-leaving---- and all that blaahhhs. It sucks. BIG time. Hayy. So just after I ate breakfast at around 8am, I ran to McDo to EAT again. Bitch.

I don't exactly know when and how or why it all began. From the start, everything's a little bit different between us. Or so I think. And now I'm thinking that life's really unfair. Immaturity complex alert!

----ihateitbecauseidontwannaunderstanditfornowwhyallofasuddenthingsseemcutanddryday
andnightearthandskysomehowijustdontbelieveit----

But I have to keep myself grounded. I should know by now right? -- That people come and go. People come and go. People come and go. And if they choose to stay (with you), they'll do so. Or if they leave, it's for a reason and you know they'll come back (or maybe they won't) . *Sigh*

And I have to quit faking my happiness. That's kind of rude. I have to be happy. I'm a Super Rea! And being happy primarily comes from within yourself, and not from others. (Go, convince yourself!) That's life!

Haaay... Really... It's not the fall that hurts, it's the sudden stop :(

Yellow Day

2009-08-04T23:38:00.000-07:00

08.04.09

While the whole country is following the news about former President Cory Aquino's death, I'm here trying to read online news about everything there is about it. I'm a bit frustrated because I don't have a tv in my place so I didn't get to watch the news and live coverage. I almost cried while reading the news online but I stopped my tears because I'm not home. Although the online stuff is good, it's a lot easier to watch tv and just get the hold of it. Hay. So sad.

Way back in grade school, I've always been amazed by the fact that Aquino is the first woman president of the country. (Which somehow tells me that I showed some signs of being a feminist even when I was a kid. Hmm.)

Today, we were asked to wear yellow at work, and I will do so for sure. Everything is just so sooo heartwarming. It's like the revival of People Power 1. You see how every Filipino has stopped to pay respect to the person who helped free the country from military power and authority. I feel saddened by what happened but somehow, things bring joy to my heart. Just seeing the whole country reunited tells me that the Filipino people are indeed worth dying for, and that this country still has hope to survive.

If I could only tie yellow ribbons, I would. So I'm writing this blog to say that I'm one with the country's mourning. This reminds me of my own fight to face the world, reminds me to live not for myself alone but for the good of all, reminds me that I should be proud I'm a Filipino.

LABAN Pinoy!

Sa Aking Pag-Iisa

2009-08-04T23:05:00.000-07:00

08.04.09

(Halata ba ang koneksyon ng larawan sa kwento ko?)

Stalker naman talaga ako. Kahit dati pa, hindi na maipagkakaila yun. Sa panahong ako'y nag-iisa, andami kong napapansin. Ang iba nakakatawa, ang iba nakakagulat, ang iba naman ay hindi ko mawari kung bakit.

Isang gabi, sa internet cafe kung saan ako nagpapalaba, napatingin-tingin ako sa ginagawa ng mga naroon. Hindi ko naman gawaing makialam, pero sa tagal ng aking paghihintay para mahanap ng attendant ang mga damit ko, di ko maiwasang mapatingin sa kanila.

Una kong napansin kaagad ang isang lalakeng nanonood ng porn sa tabi ko, heavy porn pare, close-up pa nga eh. Syempre censored 'to so hanggang dyan na lang ang kaya kong sabihin. Aba, akalain mong bored talaga sya, sa public place pa nanood ng porn. Huh!

Napatingin ako sa dako pa roon. At wag ka, may nanonood ng Tayong Dalawa nina Kim Chiu at Gerald Anderson sa Youtube. Whew. At isang malaking lalake ang nanonood. Ganun ba talaga ang addiction nya sa show na yun? At pati sa Youtube di nya pinalampas?

Sa isang banda naman, merong nag-eedit ng mga larawan nya kasama ang mga istatwa ng Virgin Mary. Hmmm? Ano kayang iniisip nya?

Hay. Ang mga tao talaga, kakaiba.

Pepperoni

2009-07-29T00:41:00.000-07:00

07.29.09

At first I was afraid to eat my picha pie...

Ngayon ako, ay ganito
Kung 'di ka picha hut o Shakey's
You're not welcome, ina mo!
Ngayon sa aking picha pie
Ayoko nang mahiwalay
Para sa 'yo, handa ko magpakamatay

Cause now I love picha pie
Yeah, as long as I eat picha pie I know I'll be alive
I want all my garlic beef
Pepperoni, double cheese
Ang picha pie... Ang picha pie... pahinge!

(At maliban sa idol na idol ko ang Parokya ni Edgar, may nakatagong kahulugan para sa akin ang mga linya ng kantang iyan.)

First Time

2009-07-20T22:26:00.000-07:00

07.20.09

Last Sunday, I and my Cebu friends went out of town. Some 1 hour & 30mins drive away from the city is Hidden Mountain Resort at Ilaya, San Fernando Cebu, where we spent our Sunday out. At dahil byaheng impyerno ang drama papuntang resort, we need to make the most out of the trip.

At napatunayan ko nga na hidden resort nga ang pinuntahan namin. Whew! Katakot-takot ang daan, walang signal, medyo mainit kahit nasa mountain pero ayos naman ang place.

When you get the chance to try something new, go and grab it! Nasa ibang lugar na rin lang naman ako, edi lubus-lubusin na. Hehe

I never had a henna tattoo before kasi ayokong magbayad para magpahenna lang. (Hehe). Pero since free naman, ayun! And there's the finish product! Fly fly fly the butterfly! Yeehahh!

At ito na ang pinaka-pangarap ko! ZIPLINE!!!!

I didn't let the chance pass, nyay! Basta I knew I'll never go home without trying this! And there! Masaya ka na? Haha. At sigurado akong uulit-ulitin ko pa. Yahoo!

Yes, we need a break too =)

My first time to go out of town, first time to have a henna tattoo, first time to do ziplining, first time.... Hayyy. Watch out. Lilibutin ko ang lugar na ito! Weeee :D

Because I'd Still Say Yes

2009-07-19T04:32:00.000-07:00

07.19.09

... to you again. *Sigh*

You said you're lonely, but who isn't?

Sometimes, it's best to talk about things with a touch of alcohol, kahit konti lang (na medyo naparami ng konti). Yesterday, I thought it could be the beginning of my eternal damnation. Why, I'm young and promising (in my own way) but I'm... stupid sometimes. It didn't help to think that I'm not getting any younger so then I need to make the most of my life by enjoying it day by day.

Sometimes you don't expect things to happen just like the way you think and dream of them, but surprisingly... they do happen. And at the end of the day, you're bound to either decide to forget about them or forget about them. The stupid thing is, you just can't. And that's because of reasons you seem not to understand or refuse to understand.

I know I'm smart and wise enough to handle things like these. Tama nga sila, ang mga kabataan ngayon ay mapupusok. But wait, before things get too confusing, let me just break what you might be thinking - no, I didn't end up in bed with somebody. And I swear I never will, not yet, not until I'm ready. Plus I'm not being defensive ok? I'm just being honest.

Anyway, at one point, I had wanted to just seize the moment and be free. But all things have their limits. So I had to stop.

But as the title suggests... haaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. (Plus, I'm missing him. Grr!)

Youngblood

2009-07-14T23:12:00.000-07:00

07.14.09

A typical Sunday for me will have to include some time alone for myself. As a usual stress relief, I went to a bookshop to check out the latest books and hoped to find some good reads. I lingered inside like forever, going to each shelf one at a time, scanning and skimming through the pages.

I particulary got interested (unsurprisingly) with Paulo Coelho's books so I scanned each book I haven't read yet and decided which ones to buy. I hadn't decided though, so I thought I just have to go back some other time.

After going around the bookshop for more than an hour, I decided to leave. I was about to leave when I saw a copy of Youngblood 3 on the shelf, I hadn't noticed it when I came. And without hesitation, I grabbed one copy and paid P175.00 for it. Then I left. [Youngblood is a compilation (by the Philippine Daily Inquirer) of articles, non-fiction stories, and what-have-yous from Pinoy twenysomethings and teens. It aims to let the voices of the youth be heard through writing.]

Back in college, I had already read all the articles of Youngblood from Book 1 to 3. I didn't have any copy so I just borrowed from my friends. It must be kind of absurd that I still bought that book. Well, I did. Because I want to have my own copy, and I actually read the book again.

I admit. Since I started reading Youngblood, I had wished to have my own article published there. I just didn't know how. A while ago, I searched for it online to check if they have a new book coming out. Looks like they don't. So I just read some of the articles online. And I found this: Losing Connection. I can relate to this story. Maybe I'll just have to contribute online. (Hehe). You know, I want to do something I really wanna do (even without pay), aside from what I'm doing now. It's a form of self-satisfaction, really :)

BAKIT?

2009-07-11T06:23:00.000-07:00

07.11.09

Ganito ako NOON,

Unang Taon sa Kolehiyo

Ikalawang Taon sa Kolehiyo

........

Ganito PA RIN ako NGAYON.

(After four years sa kolehiyo)

I swear. Badtrip ako bago pumunta sa lugar na ito kaya hindi nag-effort sa pag-aayos ng sarili.

Ito naman, haggard na pagkatapos ng kantahan, sayawan at inuman. Wala ng ganang magretouch kung may pang-retouch man.

At MINSAN lang ako naging ganito...

Valentines Day, dahil required sa barkada ang magmukhang tao.

.........

O diba? Ang boring kong tao, napaka-boring, walang kasing boring. Argh.

Pakiramdam ko tuloy ay ikinakahiya ako ng mga kaibigan ko dahil wala naman talagang pinagbago sa mukha ko, sa katawan ko, sa pananamit ko, sa lahat ng nasa akin :(

Nakakatamad naman kasi magstilettos kung nakaupo ka lang naman sa kahabaan ng walong oras sa trabaho. Sa gimik, nakakahiya rin kapag super dressed-up ka, eh yung mga kasama mo naman, naka-tsinelas at rugged lang silang lahat. Nakakapagod din ang magmake-up at ayoko rin namang mag-invest sa make-up. Haha. Buti nga marunong na akong maglagay ng cheek tint ngayon eh, pati lip gloss at pressed powder.

Tamad lang siguro talaga ako. O wala lang akong fashion sense. Baka nga wala lang akong fashion sense. Ganun lang talaga. O baka wala lang akong gana. Baka nga wala lang akong gana. Ewan ko.

Di kaya depende lang talaga sa mood? HAHA. Hay naku. Whatever, right?
I still feel good about myself, that's what matters :D

Life as a Banker

2009-07-08T22:47:00.000-07:00

07.08.09

When I entered the job, I never knew I was going to be a telephone banker. I knew I would be talking to people over the phone, but I didn't know I'll be working for a bank. Ang saya diba? You got a job and you're not sure what really is the job after all. Lol. But anyway, I know now. And its a mix of emotions. Sometimes you get happy, sometimes you get mad, and sometimes so just go crazy. It's just a matter of how you deal with people, especially people who don't have the same culture with yours.

I'm working graveyard, 7pm-4am. And it pays to have enough sleep (when I say enough, it's not just 8 hours of sleep, enough means that you don't feel sleepy anymore. lol) before going to work. Why, you don't get enough sleep then you get shouted at? You'll practically scream right back, but with the mute button turned on of course. Hay.

But that's the job, and getting shouted at is a part of it. After all, we are warned and told ahead of time not to take it personally, unless you did a very terrible job that you screwed up every single cent the customer has. Ding!

Yes, you get mad and impatient sometimes (but you don't want the customer to feel that you are) so you just keep your cool, go ahead and do your job! Customer service, Ma'am, Sir. After all, we get paid for giving excellent customer service. It even gets harder in this industry where two rules apply. Rule 1, the customer is always right. Rule 2, if the customer is wrong, refer to rule 1. Sucks. READ: when you know that customers are wrong, you don't say that to them right to their face. You just have to let them understand. Sucks again. But then again, its part of the job.

Considering that I'm a newbie, I consider myself a law-abiding citizen at this point. Very patient, very considerate, overall - total performance level. So I always get 100% customer satisfaction survey. Good thing though. More incentives! So I have to keep it up.

Anyway, the good thing about this job is that there are really usual unusual situations that either make your heart smile or laugh. Some scenarios are just weird.

BEST CALLS I HAD SO FAR:

1. A 57-year old woman named Holli Hallet from California, I don't want to forget her name. She's such a wonderful woman. She was in the hospital then and just wanted to take note of her recent transactions. She said she loves Filipinos because we are good, loving, caring, and patient people, and that everytime she calls the bank, she would wish she'd talk to a Filipino. Aiee. Heartwarming diba. She was really talkative and jolly despite of the fact that she's still ill that time. After our 30-minute talk, she asked to speak to my supervisor to make sure I got 100s and stars for the help I gave her. It's not the 100s she's caused me though, it's just the feeling that I got so happy when I talked to her. So then I was happy that I had helped her.

2. A middle-aged man who was a Filipino and is based in the States said, Hi Rea! How's the Philippines? Then he said, oh yes we're kabayan. The fact that you get to talk with people from your country and all that, and you know they feel the same way you do is also heartwarming :)

3. A young boy who asked, can I bring my dog inside your branches at New York? And I was like laughing my ass out and just answered him that pets are not allowed inside the branches. Haha.

There's a whole lot more. I'm hoping I'm gonna love this job more. I have to, though. Not because I don't have a choice, but because it's what I chose to do.

Moving Out

2009-07-07T20:31:00.000-07:00

07.07.09

FINALLY, I have successfully moved out of my cousin's house last Sunday because apparently, his very nice girlfriend doesn't want me there. Oh ok. And since I don't want to mess around with other people's lives, I decided to leave. My cousin's great. I didn't have any trouble dealing with him. He made sure I was always alright and all that stuff. The thing is, for every story, there really is a villain. And someone is bound to leave, to give way, just so there would be peace on earth.

Well, thanks for the good Samaritan I met some two weeks ago. I never thought I could get much help from a total stranger, someone I just met when I was waiting for a ride to my workplace. He helped me look for a place to stay, and even helped me clean the room. You see, such an act of charity. Whoa. I could only thank him then, and wish him God bless.

So now, I'm living alone in my own room, paying my own rent, my own bills, and my own life. Nice, isn't it? At least, I don't have to bear the silent torture of living with someone I can no longer stand anymore.

You Think You're Pretty?

2009-07-04T07:37:00.000-07:00

07.04.09

THINK AGAIN.

I don't understand why there are people who can truly be pain in the ass. I am naturally a happy person and I always want to get along well with others, pakisama kumbaga. Pero sabi nga nila, ang tao napapagod din, napupuno, naiinis. Normal lang yun diba?

Kaninang ala una ng hapon, bigla akong nagising dahil sa kalabog ng pinto. Bago siya dumating, tahimik ang buong bahay, naka-on ang radyo, naka-off ang ilaw. Hindi ako makatulog pag lights-on eh. Nang dumating siya, naging delubyo ang araw ko.

At ito na nga ang eksena:

She turned off the radio and turned on the lights and the tv, full-blast ang volume. Eh ang tv kaya nasa bandang ulo ko lang. Hello? Grabe ang consideration nya sa natutulog ha. Na-appreciate ko talaga ng sobra. Grr. Pinilit kong matulog ulit na parang may choice pa ako. Pero hindi ko na magawang matulog ulit kasi nga maingay ang tv, maingay ang mga kalabog nya, maingay siya! At narindi na ako sa presence nya.

Nakaupo lang ako pagkatapos, hindi na maguhit ang mukha ko. At habang nakatalikod ako sa kanya, eto ang eksena.

Siya: Kelan ka ba lilipat ng bahay?

Biglang nayanig ang mundo ko. Di ako umimik.
Sinabi ko na lang sa sarili ko, Bakit? Bahay mo ba 'to?
Di ko siya sinagot.
Pagkatapos ng mahabang katahimikan.

Ako: Bukas siguro.
Siya: Bakit? May nahanap ka na ba?

Ang sarap nya ng sapakin ng mga panahong yun kung di lang ako nakapagpigil.
Kaya sinabi ko na lang sa sarili ko ulit. Di ba halata? Kung may bahay na ako, edi sana wala ako dito ngayon!!!

Hinila ko ang bedsheet paakyat at niligpit ang mga gamit ko. Nang tumayo na ako, siya naman ang humiga. Grr. Humanda siya't ipapakain ko sa kanya ang bahay na hindi naman naging kanya kahit kelan.

Umalis ako at nanood ng sine, mag-isa. Para na rin makatulog at makapagpalamig ng ulo. Hay.

Saturday Out

2009-06-29T21:41:00.000-07:00

06.29.09

When you're working 8 hours a day/5 days a week, not to mention working in a relatively stressful environment, you'll wanna scream for a break every day of your life. We're tired but who isn't? So to lighten things up, I and my new-found Cebu friends went out last Saturday night. It was really a thank-God-it's-Saturday-night.

Partying the night out.

There's just no best way to celebrate other than drinking our lungs out. Yahoo!

New-found friends :)

Being the wonderful Rea the Explorer that I am, I went here in Cebu unsure of what to expect from the job I chose to have, from the people I will be with, and from the place I am unfamiliar of. But all that uncertainties I had are overdrawn by my excitement to learn new things, to meet new people, and to know myself better.

It's hard when you're far from home, away from your comfort zone. But I'm living the life I chose to live so I have no regrets now. I always tell myself that I can do something to be a better person no matter how hard it takes, and that I have to prove something to myself.

I'm happy that I'm moving forward pretty well. I'm here, hoping that each day will be better than the previous day.

No Strings Attached

2009-06-24T21:12:00.000-07:00

06.24.09

I hope I'm not blogging about him too much. Because that may mean something. Why, I don't blog about people who do not interest me. Who would, anyway?

I don't know. I don't understand.

But he makes my day.

And I honestly think that it should stop there, for no apparent reason and for all the possible reasons.

(Pseudo) Dr. Love

2009-06-23T00:04:00.000-07:00

06.23.09

It's funny how a 20-year old like me, a young innocent lady (according to our trainer Eric), plays Dr. Love to a 31-year old man, obviously grown-up and mature enough to handle things for himself.

I arrived home at around 4:30am today, but I was up until 6am. I was tired and sleepy. I was already dozing off when Constancio texted me (5:17am) hoy, wala ka gikidnap..? And so the Dr. Love customer service started there. Apparently, he just wanted someone to talk to just so he could get over what happened to him earlier or what's happening to him now.

It's even funnier how I am always involved with other people's lives. You see that? I don't know why. And the funniest is how I always manage to tell them the right things when in fact, I cannot even impose the right things to myself.

So now I am contemplating on what my friend told me earlier, ows? passing? sige try to convince yourself, c'mon let's just be true and free, mas masaya ang buhay pag ganun.

But of course! I know. Who doesn't want to be true? And free? But then again, I have to convince myself first.

ALzheimer

2009-06-21T22:20:00.000-07:00

06.21.09

When you're up until the wee hours of the morning and you're not sure what to do, you find yourself singing out loud. You came along just like a song, you brightened my day.. you know I can't smile without you, can't smile without you... And then you suddenly realize that everything's cheesy and mushy and that you just want to quit acting like there's something interesting to look forward to.

I want to stop thinking about it, but it's sucha lame attempt. Pardon me for the vagueness, but things are always meant to be that way. You know. As much as I wanna ask further, I need to stop myself, just for the plain reason that I may look quite obvious.

I know. I need to be careful. In the end, I only have myself to depend on (again). I cannot trust too much. You know what's happening. While the whole country is busy dealing with CON-ASS, here we are, busy dealing with smart ass, cheap ass, kick ass, kiss ass, name it and we have it! Well, I'm not saying he's any of those ____ asses, no no, of course not.

I hope I'm not attaching myself too much (again).

I hope I can just pretend not to notice it.

I hope I can just forget it, NOW.

I hope I'm not looking for love where there is no love.

But hey! I'm happy. Who cares anyway?

REAlity Bites

BEST OF 2011

Happy New Year!

What more can I ask for?

Christmas or New Year Wishlist!

11.11.11

7 months!

What kind of traveler are you?

What made me smile today... =)

What is wrong with me?

Every Picture Has A Story

Happy 6 Months!

Happy Birthday!

Super Saver!

Lead Trainer - Trainee!

I Won!

My Happy Food

A doughnut a day!

My Sunshine!

I Super Like Super Bianca!

THE CUTEST OF ALL

Two Years Ago...

Happy 2 Months

Tired

Super Love This

Instant Mommy

Baby Boomer

CHANGES

HAPPY 1ST YR CEBU!

HAPPY

?&$*#$^*@!

How Can I Not Love You

Mahal Kita Kasi...

Nag-isip, Nag-Iisip, Mag-Iisip

Unwind

Right Now

Here & Now

Welcome 2010!

My December Photos

Christmas!

Happy BEERDAY to me!

My December

Shout Out

Tell Me Something New

I'm The Queen of the World!

The L Word

REAlity Check

Starbucks

Two-Five

Its her birthday!

I don't know.

So we're ok, we're fine.

Sleeping is the best policy.

Queen Paranoia

Just Right

Breaktime.. Not.

Wannabe!

"I love the way you bitched out ." - Beans

...

Reductor Velocidad

Love & Lust Quiz

I Just Can't Get Enough. I Miss Them.

InsomYUCK

You're Lonely, But Who Isn't?

Hang in there!

What!

Ano Ba!

A NOVEL

Whirlwind

Kahapon Lamang

Nasan Na Nga Ba Ang Barkada?

Blind Item

STOP

Sometimes & Always

MinimAList

Thank you for calling...

Kabilugan ng Buwan

Super Rea

Yellow Day

Sa Aking Pag-Iisa

?&$#$^@!